tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61289764539155725202024-03-21T20:29:24.961-07:00San Diego Couples Counseling <br><br> Marriage and couples counseling, <br>individual therapy, gay/lesbian issues counseling,<br> and premarital counseling.<br> Located in the heart of San Diego in Mission Valley. <br> Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-28162910122398683352021-05-24T15:05:00.001-07:002021-05-24T15:26:27.166-07:00Is My Partner Family Obsessed?<p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PtiKvwveb3I/YKwhbOKFvoI/AAAAAAAAEL0/IG3Ug6VwOVoLWFNdYD_kuNeFDTZGzpwrACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Is%2Bmy%2Bpartner%2Bfamily%2Bobsessed.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="229" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PtiKvwveb3I/YKwhbOKFvoI/AAAAAAAAEL0/IG3Ug6VwOVoLWFNdYD_kuNeFDTZGzpwrACLcBGAsYHQ/w407-h229/Is%2Bmy%2Bpartner%2Bfamily%2Bobsessed.png" width="407" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #5c5a53; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4em; margin: 0px 0px 0.375em; text-align: center; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />Here are some ways to tell the difference and how to handle a family obsessed partner.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #5c5a53; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: 400; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="font-size: large;">What is the difference between family oriented and family obsessed?</span></h3><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #5c5a53; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; hyphens: auto; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">Being family oriented means the family spends quality time together, celebrates with one another, and supports each other during difficult times. On the other hand, a family obsessed partner will make you feel like you are always competing with their family – and can never win. It can be hard to feel like a priority when you are dating someone who is enmeshed with their family. Your partner’s mom may feel threatened by your relationship and throw a tantrum for attention. Your partner may be too worried about upsetting their parents so they always “takes their side” to make them happy. It can feel like your family obsessed partner is always on stand-by for their parents and siblings, not completely present with you. Or that relationship decisions aren’t between you and your partner, but between you and your partner’s family. Family obsessed partners won’t take a stand for the relationship. They may even ask to bend or violate your boundaries in an effort to “keep the peace.”</p><h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #5c5a53; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: 400; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="font-size: large;">Should you consider your partner’s relationship with their family?</span></h3><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #5c5a53; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; hyphens: auto; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;">When you date someone, a relationship with their family is often included. You have to make sure that the family dynamic is something you can work through. Don’t let the family be the only factor when you decide if you should continue dating, but take it into consideration. If you don’t get along with the family, examine how you and your partner can work through these issues. Does your partner seem like they can hear you out? You’ve got to make sure that the relationship is solid and can handle their family feeling threatened.</div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #5c5a53; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; hyphens: auto; margin: 0px 0px 1em; text-align: left;">If you and your partner are trying to overcome one of you being family obsessed, it’s important to build a strong, secure attachment. Your partner needs to know that even if you love your family, you will still stand up for the relationship and not always take your family’s side. Communication and boundaries are key in making this work. You can learn to say “no” to your family to make more time for your relationship. It’s not all or nothing. The family obsessed (hopefully soon family oriented) partner can still call and spend time with their family. Just within the boundaries of your relationship. For example, if you are going on a vacation with your partner, wait until you get back to give your family the updates instead of a constant play-by-play. Figure out, together with your partner (not their family), what your relationship boundaries are when it comes to family. </div><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #5c5a53; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; hyphens: auto; margin: 0px 0px 1em;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #5c5a53; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; hyphens: auto; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">Looking for more? Check out an extended article by <a href="https://estestherapy.com/family-obsessed/">clicking here</a>.<br /><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.com3333 Camino del Rio S, San Diego, CA 92108, USA32.7757866 -117.12146574.4655527638211581 -152.2777157 61.086020436178849 -81.9652157tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-70401840644505445272021-03-08T08:00:00.001-08:002021-03-08T08:00:04.503-08:00Trauma in Relationships: How to Be Aware and Supportive<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8hxj_j8jXFU/YDqrdB8p84I/AAAAAAAAEIo/0GfugZOG0Gs8fB0QW7FeBqnPAR94EluqwCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Trauma%2Bin%2BRelationships_%2BHow%2Bto%2BBe%2BAware%2Band%2BSupportive.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="266" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8hxj_j8jXFU/YDqrdB8p84I/AAAAAAAAEIo/0GfugZOG0Gs8fB0QW7FeBqnPAR94EluqwCLcBGAsYHQ/w472-h266/Trauma%2Bin%2BRelationships_%2BHow%2Bto%2BBe%2BAware%2Band%2BSupportive.png" width="472" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div>A traumatic experience in your life can be a devastating event. Trauma will often have a serious emotional impact on how you emotionally attach to others. If left untreated, trauma can even resurface unexpectedly in many areas of your life. In my therapy work with couples I see that trauma, whether in a current relationship or from a past event, can cause blocks in how a couple bonds. Trauma might also leave a partner confused about how to repair the bond with their loved one.<br />
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The first step to repairing trauma is awareness. Below are different types of trauma and a brief description of how they may appear in relationships and/or affect secure attachments. Keep in mind that because discussing a traumatic experience opens an individual up to vulnerability, it is essential for the other partner in a relationship to respond in a supportive way to the trauma survivor when they talk about the trauma.<br />
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If you are the one sharing your vulnerable experience, you can gently coach your significant other on how you would like to be comforted. For example, you might say: “I just need to know you are here for me”, or “It means so much to me that you can listen and understand what I’ve been through”. If you are the partner listening in on the traumatic experience, you don’t need to “fix” the situation; being nonjudgmental and providing a safe environment may be more important to your partner than offering suggestions.<br />
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Everyone experiences trauma differently, and the symptoms/effects listed here are not exhaustive and they are described from an attachment perspective:<br />
<ol>
<li>Physical abuse (although physical abuse wounds may heal on the surface, emotional abuse almost always accompanies physical abuse and takes far longer to heal.): An abused partner may feel isolated, mistrusting, have anxiety, depression, feelings of low self-worth/self-esteem, have signs of PTSD related to the abuse, and may withdraw from future relationships because of trust issues. Physical abuse is NEVER acceptable in ANY relationship.</li>
<li>Sexual abuse: May have similar symptoms of physical abuse, but also be accompanied by confused feelings of secure relationship attachments, and may view physical closeness as equivalent to emotional closeness.</li>
<li>Emotional abuse (including acts of lying, cheating, hostile or attacking comments/language, or withholding important information that is detrimental to the relationship): Can cause an individual to withdraw from relationships as trust has been violated. Can be accompanied by depression, anxiety, low-self-esteem/self-worth, and difficulty maintaining secure attachment bonds as safety has been violated.</li>
<li>A humiliating or deeply disappointing experience: Lack of trust and/or lack of feeling secure in the relationship.</li>
<li>Neglect (especially as a child): Difficulty forming trust and secure attachment bonds.</li>
<li>Serious accident or illness (including serious medical procedure): May cause strain on a relationship especially if view of self or role in the relationship has changed.</li>
<li>Witness to domestic violence and/or community violence (including gang related violence): Much of the way we learn to form attachment bonds as adults have been learned through our experiences as children. What an individual has witnessed at home as a child (and developed feelings of safety/trust/mistrust) shapes the way we feel about connecting to others as adults.</li>
<li>School violence (including bullying): There has been a lot of research in the media that points out how devastating bullying can be (and it takes on many social media forms as well)- in severe cases some teens have chosen suicide of a means of escape from the hopelessness and depression they have faced.</li>
<li>Natural or manmade disasters: Traumatic events can challenge one’s sense of safety and security, and any loss can cause fear of attachment as the environment appears unstable.</li>
<li>Forced displacement: Can also challenge one’s sense of safety and security, and any loss can cause fear of attachment as the environment appears unstable.</li>
<li>War/terrorism/political violence (common outcome can be PTSD): Can bring up extreme inner fears and flashbacks that interfere with relationships and daily functioning.</li>
<li>Victim/witness to extreme personal/interpersonal violence (includes homicide, suicide): Challenge’s individuals perception of safety and security, and can cause extreme grief and/or depression.</li>
<li>Grief/separation (includes loss of a family member, friend, or end of a relationship): Challenges individuals perception of safety and security, and can cause extreme grief and/or depression.</li>
<li>System-induced trauma (includes removal from a home as a child, foster placement): May cause difficulty in attachments/trust</li>
</ol>
<br />
(List adapted from Georgetown University Center for Child and Human Development online)<div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-5803160594672635272021-03-01T08:00:00.005-08:002021-03-01T08:00:04.703-08:00Date Your Spouse Again<p> </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Zy4rvOw4waU/YDqoXiKs4BI/AAAAAAAAEIg/qCx-G-IYjTEotBT4787B89QdufLx_00dACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Why%2BShould%2BYou%2BDate%2BYour%2BSpouse%2BAgain_.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="265" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Zy4rvOw4waU/YDqoXiKs4BI/AAAAAAAAEIg/qCx-G-IYjTEotBT4787B89QdufLx_00dACLcBGAsYHQ/w470-h265/Why%2BShould%2BYou%2BDate%2BYour%2BSpouse%2BAgain_.png" width="470" /></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p>Dating your spouse again brings back fun and connection into the relationship. As time goes on and we become more comfortable, responsibilities pile on, and date night gets put on the back burner. Reignite the romance by dating your spouse again. If you feel like you've gotten into a space where you "have nothing to talk about," try treating it like a date in a new relationship. Ask questions like the courting period of your dating - what do you do at your job, tell me about your family, what are your dreams and goals, etc. Even if you think you know the answer, often couples find they learn something new when they try this technique. If you need an idea about what to do on date night to make it special, get inspired by reflecting on your first dates. Taking a trip down memory lane will elicit positive feelings and deepen connection. </span><p></p><p>When should you do this? At any time. This strategy is useful for all couples, whether you are feeling secure and connected, if there has been a bit of space lately, or if you are feeling more like roommates than lovers. Dating your spouse again does not mean a step back for your relationship. In fact it's a step forward. Thinking of the date as a first or early date is a great way to reframe how you think of communicating with your partner. Reflect back on the beginning of your relationship when there was excitement and enthusiasm. When you had those butterflies and couldn’t help but smile when you told your friends or family about them. What drew you to your partner in the first place? What were your first dates like? Reignite or strengthen that spark!</p><p>Especially now with quarantine, it is so easy for it to feel like groundhog’s day - and when the work/home life line is blurry and the days all mush together, it can lead to decreased mood and a lack of motivation. Many relationships are facing some sort of struggle since stay at home restrictions began. Having a date night that recreates one of your early dates is a way to have fun and connect. Not only will your relationship strengthen, but your mood will be boosted too!</p><p>Additionally, thinking of your partner as if this was the beginning of the relationship helps remind you that your partner cannot read your mind. After a long time with a partner, this notion tends to slip into the back of people’s minds. That their partner must know what they are thinking. No matter how in tune, connected, and close you are with your partner, or anyone, they cannot read your mind. You need to express yourself. </p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">You can check out <a href="https://estestherapy.com/six-steps-dating-your-spouse/" target="_blank">6 Steps to Dating Your Spouse Again here</a>. </span></p><p><br /></p><p><i>Article by Sarah O'Leary</i></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.com3333 Camino del Rio S, San Diego, CA 92108, USA32.7757866 -117.12146574.4655527638211581 -152.2777157 61.086020436178849 -81.9652157tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-29327604073723320932021-02-23T14:03:00.001-08:002021-02-23T14:29:55.372-08:00Balance Home and Work Through Effective Boundaries<p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5uJ_XtP-FnA/YCweQXMlFvI/AAAAAAAAEIQ/l10UCv1D0EMniRVrm3JYlmUxOTTvT92vgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Work_Life%2BBoundaries.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="296" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5uJ_XtP-FnA/YCweQXMlFvI/AAAAAAAAEIQ/l10UCv1D0EMniRVrm3JYlmUxOTTvT92vgCLcBGAsYHQ/w527-h296/Work_Life%2BBoundaries.png" width="527" /></a></div></div><br /><p></p><p style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Last week we discussed what boundaries are. This week we're going to dive deeper into how effective boundaries can help keep your work and home life balanced. We've all had times where our work and home lives seep into one another. This might be from staying late at the office, or from sneaking away to make phone calls during the work day. With many working from home now, this balance can get even trickier. </span></span></p><div><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div><h4 style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">Why is it important to set boundaries?</span></span></h4>Setting boundaries is how you take care of yourself. Boundaries keep you aligned with your values and allow you to show up in the fullest, safest, most comfortable “you” version of you that there can be. We’ve all been there, we know the feeling of when a boundary is violated and it doesn’t feel good. We feel heightened or “icky.” It can be difficult to concentrate, and it just doesn’t feel like we are being true to ourselves. When we abandon our boundaries, we abandon our needs. We give ourselves the implicit message that our needs and emotions matter less than other people’s needs and emotions. That we matter less than other people. Often, people who have been taught to think of others first, to be polite, or those who fear being rejected develop poor boundaries. But when we chronically neglect boundaries, we will inevitably resent others, and often will feel lost within ourselves. <br /><br /><h4 style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">What are some examples of boundaries at home?</span></span></h4><p style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">Whether you work from home or not, an important work/home boundary is going to include work-time communication. Some people can check-in with their partner (or family) throughout the work day, some people can’t. Again, the “can’t” doesn’t refer to if you are physically able to, but rather if that is in line with your boundaries. Here are some examples of home boundaries:</p><ul style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-inline-start: 48px; text-align: left;"><li><span style="background-color: transparent;"><b>Physical Boundaries</b> - what level of touching you are comfortable with, what level of touching you are comfortable with when other people are around, what are “shared” items and what are not, your privacy level, who you are comfortable having in your house, and being able to have uninterrupted alone time. Home physical boundaries are also in regard to your environment - the mess level, noise level, smells, decorations, etc.</span></li><ul><li>Boundary statement example: “I love when you are affectionate and give me kisses, but I would prefer if we kept that to when we are alone and don’t have guests over.”</li><li>Boundary statement example: “It is important to me to have my own set work space. If you need something from my desk I would appreciate it if you asked me for it and I got it. I like it set up in a particular way.”</li></ul><li aria-level="1" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; list-style-type: disc; vertical-align: baseline;"><p role="presentation" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><b>Emotional Boundaries </b>- telling your partner that you don’t have the space to have a big conversation after a tough day, having conflict conversations in a designated area so your “safe spaces” remain feeling safe, having uninterrupted (phone free!) date nights to feel connected with your partner<br /></p></li><ul style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-inline-start: 48px;"><li aria-level="2" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; list-style-type: circle; vertical-align: baseline;"><p role="presentation" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Boundary statement example: “I had a really long day. It means so much to me to be there to support you but I just don’t have the energy right now. Can we revisit this conversation tonight after dinner?”</p></li><li aria-level="2" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; list-style-type: circle; vertical-align: baseline;">Boundary statement example: “When we have a conversation I would like for the TV to be off or on mute. I feel most heard and appreciated when you are making eye contact with me when we talk.”<p role="presentation" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"></p></li></ul><li><p role="presentation" style="display: inline; line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><b>Mental Boundaries </b>- having a designated time and space for “hot button” topics, agreeing to do your own research to see someone else’s point of view, having a “safe word” so when you are feeling attacked or heightened you can take a break</p></li><ul><li>Boundary statement example: “I don’t have the energy to dive into a political discussion after work, can we save those talks for the weekend?”</li><li>Boundary statement example: “I don’t feel informed on this topic. Can we talk about it again in a few days after I’ve had the opportunity to look into it?”</li></ul><li><b>Spiritual Boundaries</b> - This will be catered to your specific spirituality. This might look like agreeing to not eat meat on Fridays as a family, or having separate morning routines so you can engage in your differing spiritual practices.</li><ul><li>Boundary statement example: “It’s important to me to start my day with meditation, can you make sure the kids are occupied during this time.”</li><li>Boundary statement example: “Going to church on Sunday is important to me, please keep that in mind when making plans so I don’t feel I need to be choosing between going to church and spending time with you.”</li></ul></ul><h4 style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">What are some examples of boundaries at work?</span></span></h4>Whether you work from home or not, an important work/home boundary is going to include the separation of work and home. This might mean a strict no checking your email policy once you leave the office (whether the office is the office or your home work area). Or your work/home life might need more flexible boundaries, like being available for clients after hours. If that is the case I would still suggest having boundaries like uninterrupted dinner, or only checking in for clients during a set time (ie: between 8-9pm). Other boundaries include:<br /><br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b>Physical Boundaries</b> - the size of your personal bubble, what touching you are okay with (high fives, pats on the back, etc.), the boundaries with your items (food, files, your desk)</li><ul><li>Boundary statement example: “My personal space is important to me, I would be more comfortable with a bit more distance between us when we talk.” (and physically move yourself to show what you are comfortable with)</li><li>Boundary statement example: “Please don’t go through the files on my desk. If you would like to see one, ask me about it.”</li></ul><li><b>Emotional Boundaries</b> - telling your coworker that you do not want to have a conversation about their marital problems, telling your coworker or boss that the way they talked to you wasn’t okay, or standing up for yourself when someone is blaming you for something that is not warranted</li><ul><li>Boundary statement example: “I’m sorry you are having a hard day, but I need to be able to focus on my work right now. I'm not able to have this conversation with you right now.”</li><li>Boundary statement example: “That is frustrating that we missed this deadline. This is the first I’m hearing of it, if you need me to pause other projects to hop on this one let me know and we can work something out. This is what I’m working on, let me know where I should pause and shift my focus: _________.”</li></ul><li><b>Mental Boundaries</b> - this can be opting out of conversations you feel are violating your mental boundaries, stating your own opinions and thoughts, and asking to revisit a topic at a later time</li><ul><li>Boundary statement example: “I would prefer not to talk about this at work.”</li><li>Boundary statement example: “I don’t agree, I have had a different experience with that.”</li><li>Boundary statement example: “I enjoy our discussions but don’t feel well-versed on the topic. I’d love to hear what you have to say, but would prefer to do it after I’ve had a chance to do my own research.”</li></ul><li><b>Spiritual Boundaries </b>- this will be catered to your specific spirituality, remember that work is not a place where you should need to defend your spiritual views.</li><ul><li>Boundary statement example: “This weekend is a spiritual holiday for me, I cannot cover extra work.”</li><li>Boundary statement example: “This topic is not in line with my views, I do not want to feel like I need to defend my spiritual practice so I am going to opt out of this conversation.”</li></ul></ul> <p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></p><h4 style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">How do you know what your boundaries are?</span></span></h4>Self-exploration, and often trial and error. Pay attention to yourself and your body. There are cues from ourselves that signal that something that is happening does not align with our beliefs and views. For many this is a physiological reaction such as a tight chest, clenched jaw or strained shoulders, or a heavy feeling in your stomach. Some part of your body is saying “Danger! I don’t like this.” Sometimes we aren’t really sure of our boundary until after it’s been violated. You can clarify your boundary with a statement like: “I know I’ve been okay with this in the past, but it just didn’t feel right to me. I’m not okay with it.” <br /><br /><h4 style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">What can you say when others encroach on your boundaries? </span></span></h4>You need to call it out - gently. No one knows what your boundaries truly are until you have expressed them. Be outright and state what your boundary is or what you’re not okay with. Giving half-answers is not going to help you assert boundaries, you will just have to continually half-assert them. For example, if you do not want to talk about a topic - say, politics - if you say something like “Let’s talk about this later” you are inviting that person to try this conversation at a different time. If you say something like “I’m not comfortable talking about politics at work” you are giving the clear message that this is not something you want to talk about ever. <br /><br />Boundaries can feel extra difficult for people pleasers to assert. The biggest thing I would tell those who are people pleasers is that it is not helpful to violate your boundaries for others. You might feel like you should say “yes” to keep up the connection in the relationship, but in reality when you are agreeing to things in spite of your boundaries, you are just harming the relationship. You are not being your authentic self, and you will end up with resentment. Having healthy boundaries actually strengthens relationships in the long term. <br /><br />Setting boundaries can be tough! If setting and asserting boundaries is something you are working on, I would encourage you to set up a reward system for yourself. Especially if you are the kind of person who feels guilty about saying "no" or setting boundaries. This reward system will help remind you that you are making the right decision. You are deciding to honor yourself and your values. Take a moment after you have asserted your boundary to tell yourself "good job." This might feel silly at first, but giving yourself praise really can make a difference. If you have a friend who you know will be supportive of your boundary asserting, give them a quick text. ("Hey, I asked Jamie to stop borrowing my stapler without asking today. Successful boundary assertion!") Plan for a small (or big!) self-care activity when you've asserted a boundary. Anything from a special dinner to a walk around the block. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><p></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p> <i>Article by <a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/sarah-oleary/" target="_blank">Sarah O'Leary</a></i></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.com3333 Camino del Rio S, San Diego, CA 92108, USA32.7757866 -117.12146574.4655527638211581 -152.2777157 61.086020436178849 -81.9652157tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-20787335504548184192021-02-16T09:49:00.002-08:002021-02-16T09:49:43.787-08:00What Are Boundaries?<p> </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-rOSbesfIZzQ/YCwEtJd60bI/AAAAAAAAEH0/yDK1NfIVM8EWtuyx8hnt2wwfBziCgnl9gCLcBGAsYHQ/What%2BAre%2BBoundaries_.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="285" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-rOSbesfIZzQ/YCwEtJd60bI/AAAAAAAAEH0/yDK1NfIVM8EWtuyx8hnt2wwfBziCgnl9gCLcBGAsYHQ/w521-h285/What%2BAre%2BBoundaries_.png" width="521" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><h2 style="text-align: left;">What are boundaries?</h2><p>Boundaries can be thought of as where you feel safe, your values are upheld, and you’re saying “Hey, I’m good in here, this is where I’m comfortable.” Boundaries are where the outside world ends and you begin. When you have healthy boundaries, you keep yourself in your comfortable area where you can show up for yourself, interact with others, take chances, and feel confident in your decisions. Boundaries are flexible and changing. They will be different in different situations, with different people, and on different days. Boundaries can be too rigid, with no flexibility. This might look like saying “no” to a weekday outing that you want to attend because you’ve given yourself a strict “socializing is for the weekends” policy. And boundaries can be too open, this is probably what most people think of when they hear “poor boundaries.” This means you overextend yourself and prioritize the wants, needs, and values of others above your own. This could be saying “yes” to a project that you realistically don’t have time for, taking care of a friend’s pet that you didn’t really want to, or agreeing to something that doesn’t align with your values. Remember: just because you have free time doesn’t mean you are available. </p><p> </p><h2 style="text-align: left;">What kinds of boundaries are there?</h2><h4 style="text-align: left;">There are physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual boundaries.</h4><h3 style="text-align: left;">Physical Boundaries</h3><p>Physical Boundaries are a little more tangible and easier to conceptualize. Physical boundaries include the level of physical interaction you are comfortable with - touching, hugging, kissing, hand shakes, etc. As well as the size of your personal space bubble. Physical boundaries also include your belongings, for example if someone borrows your tools without asking or goes through your files. Physical boundaries are also environments you are or are not comfortable with. You might not be comfortable being indoors with non-household members during COVID; or you might not enjoy the beach, park, mall, etc. So your personal time limit for being in that space might be short. </p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Emotional Boundaries </h4><p>Emotional Boundaries get a little trickier, and sometimes we don’t even outright notice when they are being violated. Usually, however, when your emotional boundary is being pushed you’ll get a physiological feeling. This is your body telling you that you’re not comfortable with something. Emotional boundaries include not holding other people’s emotions as your own. That means, if your friend is sad, while you are there to support them, you don’t take that sadness on as your own. This is also taking blame in situations where it is unwarranted - like apologizing and taking responsibility for something that isn’t yours. For example, your boss is upset that task X isn’t done even though they never told you about it. In turn, you feel upset and tell yourself that you will “make up for it” even though there is nothing to make up for. What happened was you took on your boss’s emotions and took responsibility when it wasn’t warranted.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Mental Boundaries</h4><p>Mental Boundaries include sharing or discussing ideas, views, and thoughts that might not be in alignment with your own. Talking about politics is a pretty understandable way to think of this one, where differing opinions turn into personal attacks. You won’t always have the same opinion as someone else (even your partner or best friend). How you handle these interactions with differing opinions is what matters. If you are met with aggression, belittling, or name calling when you express your own thoughts and opinions, it is likely time to set up that boundary of “I don’t want to have this discussion with you.” This can be especially important to keep in mind at work where the views and values are more often different than in your home and personal life. </p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Spiritual Boundaries </h4><p>Spiritual Boundaries have to do with your own spiritual practice. This can mean religion and adhering to the guidelines (ie: going to church or not eating meat). This is also your daily/weekly/monthly spiritual practice. For example, meditation, yoga, or nature walks can all be spiritual practices. A violation of spiritual boundaries might be agreeing to work on a day that is holy to you. Remember what you believe is personal to you, a violation of spiritual boundaries can also be someone telling you what you believe based on an identifying factor. For example, someone telling you you are not a “good Muslim” or “good Jew” for not believing or practicing an aspect of the traditional religious practice of your denomination. </p><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Tune in next week for a follow-up article addressing boundaries and home/work balance!</div><div><br /></div><div><i>Article by <a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/sarah-oleary/" target="_blank">Sarah O'Leary</a></i></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.com3333 Camino del Rio S UNIT 215, San Diego, CA 92108, USA32.7756948 -117.12148934.4654609638211511 -152.2777393 61.085928636178842 -81.9652393tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-21517974076351005002021-01-25T16:09:00.006-08:002021-02-16T09:49:55.579-08:00Daily Practices to Keep Stress at Bay - for all ages<p> </p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-pkSCfIt297s/YA9ddFbbBYI/AAAAAAAAEGA/XqXyoq1pFZ8wEJh3qTwJ6vaaN566_16tgCLcBGAsYHQ/Daily%2BPractices%2Bto%2BKeep%2BStress%2Bat%2BBay.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="307" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-pkSCfIt297s/YA9ddFbbBYI/AAAAAAAAEGA/XqXyoq1pFZ8wEJh3qTwJ6vaaN566_16tgCLcBGAsYHQ/w545-h307/Daily%2BPractices%2Bto%2BKeep%2BStress%2Bat%2BBay.png" width="545" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>Life is stressful. We will inevitably be facing stressors throughout our lives -- something we are facing even more these days. By incorporating these into your daily life, you be able to better manage stress, face obstacles, and stop yourself from feeling overwhelmed:</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">1. Balanced diet</h3><div>Unsurprisingly, what we put into our bodies influences the way it functions. Food can influence the chemicals our brain releases - this could be more serotonin (the happy chemical) or less cortisol (stress hormones). This isn't about weight loss or management. This is about eating foods that help you feel good. I'm no nutritionist, so you can explore food options on your own but the key is a balanced diet. You can explore the <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nutrition/index.html" target="_blank">CDC's website</a> to learn more about nutrition. This also means eating that bowl of ice cream (in moderation). It's called comfort food for a reason. Having a routine with your meals (and snacks) is also important, especially for kids!</div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">2. Physical exercise</h3><div>Getting sun, getting active, and being social are the 3 key ingredients to boost your mood. It's no secret that exercise helps your body, and it also helps your mind. Daily exercise helps improve your sleep, boosts your mood, keep you feeling energized, improves your memory and concentration, and helps combat anxiety and depression. Wow! That's a lot of reasons to exercise! Whether you are going for a walk, surfing, or hitting the squat rack, try to do at least 30 minutes of exercise a day and ideally do 60 minutes. It's best if you can do it outside to get the added bonus of sunlight and fresh air. Whatever exercise will get you moving is great! However, I will add that there is <a href="https://www.psychiatrypodcast.com/psychiatry-psychotherapy-podcast/prescribing-strength-training-depression-treatment" target="_blank">evidence to support strength training</a> being the best exercise to combat depression. </div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">3. Have a routine</h3><div>Having a routine can do wonders for your mental health, especially if you are working or attending school (or both!) from home. Try to wake up and go to sleep the same time throughout the week. Routines keep us focused, and often add to feelings of motivation and accomplishment. Routines help reduce anxiety. <br />People with more daily routines <a href="https://www.mhanational.org/creating-healthy-routines" target="_blank">have lower levels of distress</a> when facing problems with their health or negative life events. Routines are especially helpful for children. </div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">4. Check-in and Support your mental health needs</h3><div>Learn to identify your emotions and learn what your signals are that it's time to take action. Many people find a "feeling thermometer" helpful for becoming better acquainted with their own emotions. For example, maybe on your stress scale of 1-10, when you are at a 4 you start tapping your feet and when you get to a 6 you are repeatedly checking your phone and having trouble concentrating. When you know this about yourself, if you start to reach for your phone more often, you can put in a <i>Pause</i> and do something to help calm you down. This might be calling a friend, going for a walk, or making a cup of tea and giving yourself a breather. Incorporate checking in with your mental state as part of your daily routine. Part of this check-in might be deciding when it's time to see a therapist, or writing down topics to discuss with your current therapist during your next session. </div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">5. Mindfulness practices</h3><div>Mindfulness isn't just yoga, although yoga counts! Finding a mindfulness practice that works for you will encourage you to be doing it as part of your daily routine. Even if it's different on different days. Mindfulness is simply slowing down and focusing on <i>one</i> task at a time. You're being present with yourself, and honoring yourself by giving yourself the space to do so. Mindfulness can help strengthen the brain pathways that actively buffer the stress response, helping you regulate body more easily. Mindfulness is anything you can be fully present in - from journaling, to yoga, to doing the dishes. Focus <i>only</i> on the task you are doing. Your mind will wander, especially as you begin this practice, and that's okay. Just gently bring it back to the task at hand.</div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">6. Create and maintain a support system</h3><div>Having a support system not only helps pick you up when you feel down, it also gives you the courage to take chances and be vulnerable. Be present with your support system when you are spending time with them - no phones or outside distractions. Maintain your connection through games, video calls, and other activities like baking or painting. Give yourself space to be silly, but also have those hard conversations where you are vulnerable and let the other person know how you are really doing. Actively listen when they are opening up with you. Remember that often people aren't looking for advice, they just want to feel heard. If you are unsure of if someone is asking for advice or just wants to talk, ask them. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><i>Article by <a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/sarah-oleary/" target="_blank">Sarah O'Leary</a></i></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-54931221039115711022021-01-12T15:01:00.005-08:002021-02-16T09:50:09.207-08:00COVID Tips for Couples<h3 style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-qdlAB1T1LF0/X_4qHg-zjqI/AAAAAAAAEEw/W44eW5mTLyoSIfmnB2-wyu8QqG9bsR17gCLcBGAsYHQ/COVID%2BTips%2Bfor%2BCouples.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="290" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-qdlAB1T1LF0/X_4qHg-zjqI/AAAAAAAAEEw/W44eW5mTLyoSIfmnB2-wyu8QqG9bsR17gCLcBGAsYHQ/w514-h290/COVID%2BTips%2Bfor%2BCouples.png" width="514" /></a></div><br /><br /></h3><div><span class="JsGRdQ">COVID has changed our lives, and with the multiple added stressors, more time at home, and more time spent with our partner, many relationships are feeling the strain. Here are 5 tips for couples who are living together during COVID.</span></div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">1. Don't Take Things Out on Each Other</h3><div style="text-align: left;">This one sounds obvious, but it actually shows up in sneaky ways. We are spending more time than ever alone with our partners. With outside factors, and a lack of outlets, many people are attributing dissatisfaction or negative feelings to their partner. When you are feeling down more days than not and the one consistent factor is your partner, it can be easy to attribute those feelings to them (incorrectly, and subconsciously). So what should you do? Pause and take time to reflect. Are you missing your friends/social life? Are you engaging in self-care? Are you stressed from work? Pay attention to what's going on with <i>you</i>. When you don't pay attention, it's all too easy to take things out on your partner. When you <i>do</i> pay attention and can articulate what is affecting you, it can be a point of connection for you and your partner. It's more likely than not that you two are missing similar things and have some overlapping losses. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">2. Watch the Critiquing - Instead Write Down What's Bothering You</h3><div>Especially if you are both working from home, or one of you is, it can be so easy to throw little criticisms throughout the day at each other. Again, this is an example of the stress in your life seeping into your relationship. For example, imagine you just had a meeting with your boss that went <i>poorly</i> - your workload for the week just doubled (or depleted and you need the money!), and you get to the kitchen and your partner left the milk out. Not great but not the biggest deal, but because you are already heightened you might overreact. Your partner's reaction doesn't satisfy you, because it's not really about the milk, and now your partner is stressed out before going into a meeting of their own. Maybe the chain of criticism continues, or maybe it ends there, either way you are likely feeling disconnected. Instead, try writing down the things throughout the workday that bother you. <i>BEFORE</i> communicating this list with your partner, pause, reflect, and consider: after your partner's long work day do they need to know that they left a dirty spoon on the counter, didn't put the toilet paper roll on correctly, and you dislike the music they were playing earlier (that you could only hear when you left your home office anyway)? Or are some of these things not that important once you have had a chance to wind down? This tip really goes hand in hand with #1. As you write down what's bothering you throughout the day, try marking what else is going on in your day at that moment. If you are noticing that around noon there's always something your partner is doing "wrong" - it could just be that you are hungry and need a break at this time. </div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">3. Have Alone Time</h3><div>When your partner is one of your best friends, it an added bonus to have someone you can do things with. But you still need you time. If you have kids, try having your "me" time be at different points during the day so it can truly be unobstructed. This alone time can be in the house or not - maybe you want to go read on the beach for 30 minutes! This alone time gives you a chance to focus on <i>you, </i>as well as unwind, ground yourself, and destress from everything that is going on. Respect your partner's (and your own!) alone time - that means no asking (or texting to "read later") whatever is on your mind. If something comes up, write it down and discuss it later. It's not really alone time if you are asking for their time and attention. </div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">4. Try To Be Understanding About How They Are Handling COVID</h3><div>It's okay to not be okay... and it's okay to be okay! It can be hard when one partner is stressing and worried about COVID and everything going on in the world, while the other partner is taking things lightly. You are not always going to see eye-to-eye, no one could have thought to prepare for and discuss the differences they may face in handling a pandemic. Be understanding with where your partner is coming from, even if you don't agree. This is a great time to flex your active listening skills! Keep eye contact, give comfort, and repeat back to your partner what you are hearing them say to make sure you're getting it right. Try to get underneath the surface level to hear the deeper meaning. For example, if your partner is being incredibly cautious with COVID, there is a good chance a part of it is from the fear of losing a loved one. Don't challenge this thought, but rather respond to the underlying message ("It sounds like you are worried about the wellbeing of your loved ones. I know how much your family and friends mean to you so it makes sense that you would worry about them. I love how compassionate you are.")</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">5. Have Fun!</h3><div>These days, that might mean more creativity in figuring out how to bring your favourite activities to your home, or try something new. Being in the same place all day every day can make it feel like groundhog day. Break things up by trying something new with your partner. Try a virtual cooking class, dance class, or paint night (Eventbrite.com has plenty of cheap or free ones!). Put on a live stream of a band or artist you love through YouTube and dance the night away. Have a picnic in your living room or outside, complete with blanket on the floor. Or set up a game night alone or with friends - card games, video games, virtual games like JackBox... whatever it is, give yourself a chance to be silly and connect.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><i>Article by <a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/sarah-oleary/" target="_blank">Sarah O'Leary</a></i></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-90829656156198038042020-09-29T12:58:00.004-07:002021-02-16T09:50:25.059-08:00Am I Codependent?<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-q4hG_0N1Dr4/X3OLDz2ButI/AAAAAAAAEC8/rxp52lS_Xe4E56anR-8qkFYhR5tuZx4cwCLcBGAsYHQ/Am%2BI%2BCodependent_.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="241" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-q4hG_0N1Dr4/X3OLDz2ButI/AAAAAAAAEC8/rxp52lS_Xe4E56anR-8qkFYhR5tuZx4cwCLcBGAsYHQ/w429-h241/Am%2BI%2BCodependent_.png" width="429" /></a></div><div><br /></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">What is Codependency?</span></h3><div>Codependency is when you are <i>dependent</i> on others for your own mental well-being. This goes beyond seeking support. With codependency, the line between where you end and others begin is blurred. Those who are codependent often put their own needs, ideas, and opinions aside to focus on those of others in hopes of strengthening their relationship or b. This, however, in reality does more harm than good. While codependent people have good intentions, enmeshing yourself with others actually harms relationships and yourself. With a lack of boundaries and basing your needs and thoughts on those of others, you are left with a lost sense of self and unstable or unfulfilling relationships. Codependent relationships can be with a romantic partner, a friend, family member, or even at work. </div></span><br /><h3 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 4pt; margin-top: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 17.3333px; white-space: pre;">What are the Signs of Codependency?</span></h3><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 4pt; margin-top: 14pt; text-align: left;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Reactivity</span></li><ul><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Codependent people are so used to pushing their own needs and emotions to the side that sometimes, due to this build-up, they will burst to the surface before they even have time to think. </span></li></ul><li><span style="font-family: arial;">People pleasing</span></li><ul><li><span style="font-family: arial;">When people find their worth from the well-being of others, it's no surprise that they tend to be people pleasers. With their poor boundaries, people who are codependent work to make others happy in order to feel happy themselves. </span></li></ul><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Needing to be in Control</span></li><ul><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Control helps codependent people feel safe and secure. Anxiety goes hand-in-hand with codependency - and being in control eases that anxiety. This could be <i>deciding</i> how you feel instead of tuning inward and listening to what you are actually feeling. This could also be trying to control the thoughts, actions, or emotions of others. </span></li></ul><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Escape Behaviours</span></li><ul><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Often when feeling out of control, codependent people turn to escape through alcohol, substances, sex, gambling, compulsive buying, or video games. </span></li></ul><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Conflict Avoidance</span></li><ul><li><span style="font-family: arial;">This is a big one. Codependent people avoid conflict because they are always trying to make sure everyone else is happy. So, they avoid standing up for themselves, speaking out, or disagreeing with others. This reinforces the poor boundaries as well as the lost sense of self, leading to a cycle of codependence. </span></li></ul><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Low Self-Esteem</span></li><ul><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Codependent people are always searching for a sense of self and validation from others, instead of tuning in to themselves. This is often done unconsciously, so it can be hard to pick up on if you aren't paying attention. But when you're sense of self-worth comes from others, you will almost always feel yourself lacking in self-worth and self-esteem. Good self-esteem and high self-worth come from within. </span></li></ul></ul><div><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-c2364530-7fff-e738-5122-894382f9ac34"><div><span id="docs-internal-guid-e7db9d31-7fff-2ba3-1792-5736c145adc0"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-5bf11794-7fff-b6fe-99f9-066f7c3eea21"><h3 dir="ltr" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 4pt; margin-top: 14pt; text-decoration-line: none; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">What are some steps for change?</span></h3><div style="font-family: Arial; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration-line: none; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: 17.3333px;">Self-Care</span></div><div style="font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Self-care helps you both take care of yourself and become more in tune with yourself (your needs, your likes/dislikes, your opinions). By honoring your likes, needs, and well-being, you are honoring yourself. This helps you improve your self-esteem, and to start to solidify <i>you </i>apart from others. When you can feel more stable within yourself, it becomes easier to honor yourself and value your importance. Try to focus on activities you can do alone - especially at the start of your codependency recovery journey. </span></div><div><div style="font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration-line: none; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 17.3333px;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration-line: none; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 17.3333px;">Boundaries</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Learning to assert your boundaries is a big step in the codependency recovery process. Boundaries are where you end and someone else begins. With healthy boundaries we can comfortably say "no" to someone without feeling guilty. With healthy boundaries we honor and value ourselves. <i>A</i></span></span><i style="font-family: arial; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration-line: none; white-space: pre-wrap;">nd</i><span style="font-family: arial; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration-line: none; white-space: pre-wrap;">, with healthy boundaries</span><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"> we are left feeling replenished and rejuvenated - instead of burnt out from trying to please everyone all the time. Asserting your boundaries also means valuing your own opinions and your own voice - which is <i>so</i> important to gaining a strong sense of self, improving self-esteem, and being <b>dependent</b>. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div><div><div style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 17.3333px;"><a href="https://estestherapy.com/counseling-services-san-diego/individual-counseling-san-diego/codependency-counseling-san-diego/">Therapy</a> </span></span></div><div style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Changing these deeply ingrained thoughts, behaviors, and feelings is not easy. Therapy is a safe place full of support to aid you on your codependency recovery journey. Therapist will hold you accountable to your goals, provide you tools to aid you in these goals, and help you learn skills to use now and in the future.Therapy is also a great way to honour and value yourself. You <i>are</i> worth it!</span></div></div></div><p dir="ltr" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-decoration-line: none; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">
You can come check us out and book an appointment to take the next step in your codependency recovery here: https://estestherapy.com/counseling-services-san-diego/individual-counseling-san-diego/codependency-counseling-san-diego/
<i style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; white-space: normal;"><br /></i></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-decoration-line: none; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><i style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; white-space: normal;">Article by <a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/sarah-oleary/" target="_blank">Sarah O'Leary</a></i>
</span></p></span></span></span></div></span></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-35960159329033302402020-09-02T16:43:00.012-07:002021-02-11T11:26:31.081-08:00Meet the Team<h2 style="text-align: left;"> </h2><h3 class="therapist-name" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><a href="http://estestherapy.com/meet-san-diego-therapist/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3); box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; text-decoration-line: none;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://estestherapy.com/meet-san-diego-therapist/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3); box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; text-decoration-line: none;"></a><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sFj8OHkqZaU/X1AMcEyVHuI/AAAAAAAAD-w/H9aO3ST1EY4jjSoHY-CYM2kt7jaX2HOnQCLcBGAsYHQ/s413/Jennine-EstesTherapy.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="san diego couples counseling marriage therapy trauma emdr" border="0" data-original-height="413" data-original-width="300" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sFj8OHkqZaU/X1AMcEyVHuI/AAAAAAAAD-w/H9aO3ST1EY4jjSoHY-CYM2kt7jaX2HOnQCLcBGAsYHQ/w291-h400/Jennine-EstesTherapy.jpg" width="291" /></a></div><br />Jennine Estes</h3><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;">MFT #47653 | $200 per 50-minute Session<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Available Monday - Thursday 9am - 5pm</span><div><br /></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #666666;">Jennine is certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Survivors of Violent Loss, and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) - which is utilized for trauma and anxiety. </span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bqk_yPrRHoY/YA9gJ6Kg36I/AAAAAAAAEG0/C0XfKdHNXGYFmIQ9n6Di170la8u29aWIwCLcBGAsYHQ/s853/Drew.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="785" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bqk_yPrRHoY/YA9gJ6Kg36I/AAAAAAAAEG0/C0XfKdHNXGYFmIQ9n6Di170la8u29aWIwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Drew.jpg" /></a></div><br /><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><h3 class="therapist-name" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-family: Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/drew-erickson/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3); box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; outline: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;">Drew Erickson</a></h3><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="box-sizing: border-box;">MFT #118881 | $150 per 50-minute session<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Available Tuesday & Thursday evening | Saturday morning</span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div><div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #5c5a53;">Drew is a former elementary school teacher and works with children, adolescents, and adults. Drew has completed trainings in </span></span><span style="color: #5c5a53;">Play Therapy, </span><span style="color: #5c5a53;">Autism Spectrum Disorder, </span><span style="color: #5c5a53;">Non-Suicidal Self Injurious Behavior, </span><span style="color: #5c5a53;">Safe and Practice Approaches (SPA), </span><span style="color: #5c5a53;">National Conversation on Race, and NeuroScience of Trauma</span><span style="color: #5c5a53;"> .</span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><h3 class="therapist-name" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/jacqueline-wielick/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3); box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; outline: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/jacqueline-wielick/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3); box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; outline: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;"></a></div></h3></span></span></div></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hUqiMErkrvs/X1AnX9LFmzI/AAAAAAAAD_s/IrvYVVZA-140yjFhupv_3tTzJXsePZfSgCLcBGAsYHQ/s413/Ida%2BFariba%2BEstesTherapy.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 32px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="413" data-original-width="300" height="405" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hUqiMErkrvs/X1AnX9LFmzI/AAAAAAAAD_s/IrvYVVZA-140yjFhupv_3tTzJXsePZfSgCLcBGAsYHQ/w293-h405/Ida%2BFariba%2BEstesTherapy.jpg" width="293" /></a><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"></span></div><div><h3 class="therapist-name" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><br /></h3><h3 class="therapist-name" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;">Ida Fariba</h3><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;">MFT #124097 | $150 per 50 minute session<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Available Thurs. 1pm-7pm | Fri. & Sat. 10am-2pm</span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #5c5a53;">Ida is a doctoral student at Alliant International University and an Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Ida works with Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)</span></span><span face="" style="color: #5c5a53;">, Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). Ida has completed trainings in Mindfulness and Self-Compassion, Using Yoga with Mental Health, and a Trauma-Informed Yoga Workshop. </span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><h3 class="therapist-name" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/jacqueline-wielick/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3); box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; outline: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/jacqueline-wielick/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3); box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; outline: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;"></a><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eADJVEh8X9c/X1AQ7oCLfuI/AAAAAAAAD_I/7bZv9z2C264drKPxcUgor9W0WHcOsA1QwCLcBGAsYHQ/s413/Jackie-Wielick-EstesTherapy.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="413" data-original-width="300" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eADJVEh8X9c/X1AQ7oCLfuI/AAAAAAAAD_I/7bZv9z2C264drKPxcUgor9W0WHcOsA1QwCLcBGAsYHQ/w291-h400/Jackie-Wielick-EstesTherapy.jpg" width="291" /></a></div>Jacqueline Wielick</h3><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;">MFT #118766 | $160 per 50-minute session<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Available Monday - Thursday. Day and Evenings.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #666666;">Jacqueline works with individuals and couples through Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Gottman Method Couples Therapy, and with mindfulness & spirituality. Additionally Jacqueline has completed the Neurobiology of Trauma training. </span></span></span></div><div style="color: #848177;"><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div></span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><h3 class="therapist-name" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/rina-podolsky-mft/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3); box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; text-decoration-line: none;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/rina-podolsky-mft/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3); box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; text-decoration-line: none;"></a><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Zpgx0oXAfwc/X1ASjV1aiNI/AAAAAAAAD_U/MmnMKYgH2s85HmzMfpoHktguBLNbYCckACLcBGAsYHQ/s413/Rina-Podolsky-EstesTherapy.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="413" data-original-width="300" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Zpgx0oXAfwc/X1ASjV1aiNI/AAAAAAAAD_U/MmnMKYgH2s85HmzMfpoHktguBLNbYCckACLcBGAsYHQ/w291-h400/Rina-Podolsky-EstesTherapy.jpg" width="291" /></a></div>Rina Podolsky</h3><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;">MFT #113138 | $165 per 50-minute Session<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Available Monday - Thursday. Day and Evenings.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="color: #666666;"><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Rina is a multicultural and bilingual therapist, offering sessions in both English and Spanish. Rina works with i</span><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">ndividuals and couples, utilizing</span><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Motivational Interviewing for substance use and recovery, Brief Solution Focused Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Narrative Therapy, and </span><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). </span></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #5c5a53; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #5c5a53; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #5c5a53; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #5c5a53; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #5c5a53; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #5c5a53; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--MSW-byTHjc/X1AYC-nWzRI/AAAAAAAAD_g/-7kmWfNmNesHEuICIkA78eAKvdSvdK__QCLcBGAsYHQ/s413/Young-Ju-EstesTherapy.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="413" data-original-width="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--MSW-byTHjc/X1AYC-nWzRI/AAAAAAAAD_g/-7kmWfNmNesHEuICIkA78eAKvdSvdK__QCLcBGAsYHQ/s0/Young-Ju-EstesTherapy.jpg" /></a></div><h3 class="therapist-name" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/young-ju/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3); box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; outline: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;">Young Ju</a></h3><span class="therapist-license" style="box-sizing: border-box;">MFT #88568 | $150 per 50-minute session<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Available Wednesday Day and Evening.</span></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #5c5a53; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #5c5a53; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #5c5a53; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #666666;"><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Young works through a culturally and trauma-informed lens, utilizing</span><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)</span><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">, Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT),</span><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT), Motivational Interviewing, and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy in therapy. </span></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #666666;">Young works with children, using art and play therapy to engage them in their world.</span></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #5c5a53;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #5c5a53;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #5c5a53;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #5c5a53;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #5c5a53;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #5c5a53;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #5c5a53;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #5c5a53;"><br /></span></span></div><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://estestherapy.com/meet-san-diego-therapist/meet-the-therapists-mission-valley/mft-intern/">Associate Marriage and Family Therapists</a>:</span></h2><div><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-weight: normal;">Associate Marriage and Family Therapists (AMFT) are therapists who have graduated with their master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and are currently working on gaining their clinical hours for licensure in California.</span><span style="text-indent: -24px;"> <span style="font-family: arial;">The associates receive my direct supervision and I over see each clinical case…basically you are paying for two therapists to focus on your situation at the cost of one associate. </span></span></span></div><div><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="text-indent: -24px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="text-indent: -24px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><h3 class="therapist-name" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-indent: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/sarah-oleary/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3); box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; outline: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/sarah-oleary/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3); box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; outline: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;"></a><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U8OPxlOZIXQ/YCWDfZFL4WI/AAAAAAAAEHg/6p1AmVCaHhYVtdj2TgNgZbzb5VIVRVslgCLcBGAsYHQ/s960/Sarah%2Blow%2Bcost%2Bcounseling%2Bself%2Besteem%2Bboundaries%2Banxiety.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U8OPxlOZIXQ/YCWDfZFL4WI/AAAAAAAAEHg/6p1AmVCaHhYVtdj2TgNgZbzb5VIVRVslgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Sarah%2Blow%2Bcost%2Bcounseling%2Bself%2Besteem%2Bboundaries%2Banxiety.jpg" /></a></div>Sarah O’Leary</h3><span class="therapist-license" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-indent: 0px;">AMFT #123449 | $125 per 50 minute session<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Available Tues - Thurs Day & Evening | Friday Day</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="color: #5c5a53;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #5c5a53;">Sarah is an AMFT who works with couples and individual adult and adolescents. Sarah works with an array of issues including anxiety, assertiveness, boundary setting, coping skills (including coping through COVID), emotion regulation, stress and distress, eating disorders & disordered eating, body image, rigid thinking, life transitions, infidelity, improving communication, re-connecting, long distance relationships, premarital, and more. </span></div><div><span style="color: #5c5a53;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #5c5a53;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #5c5a53;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Supervised by </i></span></span><span style="color: #5c5a53; font-size: x-small;"><i>Erin C. Falvey-Hogue, Ph.D. LMFT#</i></span><i style="color: #5c5a53; font-size: small;">45322</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v7sFKbX0rqQ/YA9hWTXPQjI/AAAAAAAAEHA/RSAAlPg3Nps2Mx3ZpaAfsld-6UbsxdzJgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Dana%2BPasculescu%2BAMFT%2B%25281%2529.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1365" height="364" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v7sFKbX0rqQ/YA9hWTXPQjI/AAAAAAAAEHA/RSAAlPg3Nps2Mx3ZpaAfsld-6UbsxdzJgCLcBGAsYHQ/w242-h364/Dana%2BPasculescu%2BAMFT%2B%25281%2529.jpg" width="242" /></a></div><br /><div><h3 class="therapist-name" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-family: Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/dana-pasculescu/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3); box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; text-decoration-line: none;">Dana Pasculescu</a></h3><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;">AMFT #122835 | $125 per 50 minute session<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Available Tues & Wed Evening | Thursday & Friday</span></div><div><span face="" style="color: #5c5a53;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="color: #5c5a53;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="color: #5c5a53;"><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #5c5a53; font-size: 16px;">Dana is an AMFT who</span><span face="" style="color: #5c5a53;"> works with adult couples and individuals. Dana has Emotionally Focused Therapy trainings that include: Externship, Core Skills, Individual Therapy and Trauma - Level 1, Individual Therapy - Level 2, Attachment Injury Repair Model Training, and EFT with Interpersonal Partner Violence. Dana has also received training in the Circle of Security Parenting Program (COS-P).</span></p></span></div><div><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #5c5a53;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>Supervised by Jennine Estes, L</i></span><i>MFT #47653</i></span></div><div><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: montserrat, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 0.8px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-transform: uppercase; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #999999;"><br /></span></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: montserrat, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 0.8px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-transform: uppercase; vertical-align: baseline;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #0c617d; font-size: 35px; text-transform: capitalize;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OqFwEAWXW0s/X1AqT7rcMpI/AAAAAAAAD_8/MBPXcQ5lIhQ5EW_kSEHYUHLhcOJeoivEgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1280/Frick%2B%25282%2529%2B%25281%2529.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="san diego therapy medical therapist chronic illness infertility pregnancy issues family help guidance spirituality" border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="853" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OqFwEAWXW0s/X1AqT7rcMpI/AAAAAAAAD_8/MBPXcQ5lIhQ5EW_kSEHYUHLhcOJeoivEgCLcBGAsYHQ/w266-h400/Frick%2B%25282%2529%2B%25281%2529.jpeg" width="266" /></a></div>Heather Frick</span></div><p></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: montserrat, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 0.8px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-transform: uppercase; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #999999;">AMFT #116509 | $125 PER 50-MINUTE SESSION</span></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: montserrat, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 0.8px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-transform: uppercase; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #999999;"><span style="background-color: white;">**available in the oceanside office**</span></span></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: montserrat, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 0.8px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-transform: uppercase; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;"><span face="" style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 0.8px; text-transform: uppercase;"><br /></span><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #5c5a53; font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: normal; text-transform: none;">Heather is an AMFT and current doctoral student at Alliant International University. Heather is also currently</span><span face="" style="color: #5c5a53;"> working on certification in Medical Family Therapy. Heather works with children, adolescents, and adults. Heather's work focuses on chronic illness and medical diagnoses, infertility and pregnancy loss, relationships, eating disorders, body image, and spirituality. </span></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;"></p><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"></div><p></p><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>Supervised by Jennine Estes, L</i></span><i>MFT #47653</i></span></div><h3 class="therapist-name" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8GPAPfLsmzE/X1AtYwOUXkI/AAAAAAAAEAU/PM6nEmxsmKEdz00VtEG8YXfWF6Z5-DmqQCLcBGAsYHQ/s413/Jacob-Munhoz-EstesTherapy.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="413" data-original-width="300" height="367" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8GPAPfLsmzE/X1AtYwOUXkI/AAAAAAAAEAU/PM6nEmxsmKEdz00VtEG8YXfWF6Z5-DmqQCLcBGAsYHQ/w267-h367/Jacob-Munhoz-EstesTherapy.jpg" width="267" /></a></div>Jacob Munhoz</h3><h3 class="therapist-name" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span face="" style="color: #848177;"><span style="font-size: 16px; font-weight: 400;">AMFT #109499 | $175 per 50-minute session</span></span></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span face="" style="color: #848177;"><span style="font-size: 16px; font-weight: 400;">Available Monday, Tuesday, Thursday 2-7pm | Saturday 10am-2pm</span></span></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span face="" style="color: #848177;"><span style="font-size: 16px; font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span face="" style="color: #848177;"><span style="font-size: 16px; font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span face="" style="color: #848177;"><span style="font-size: 16px; font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="elementor-image-box-description" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span face="" style="color: #848177;"><span style="font-size: 16px; font-weight: 400;">Jacob is an AMFT providing therapy for couples and individuals. Jacob has completed trainings in Emotionally Focused Therapy and </span></span><span style="color: #848177; font-size: 16px; font-weight: 400;">Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP). Jacob works with men's issues, LGBT+, Christian issues, trauma, and contemplative spirituality - among other issues. </span></p></h3><h3 class="therapist-name" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><a href="https://estestherapy.com/therapists/jacob-munhoz/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3); box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; text-decoration-line: none;"></a></h3><h3 class="therapist-name" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><br /></h3><h3 class="therapist-name" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><div style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Supervised by Jennine Estes, L</i><i>MFT #47653</i></span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium;"></div></h3><h3 class="therapist-name" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #125f77; font-family: lato, "helvetica neue", helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 2em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><br /></h3><h2><span style="background-color: white; font-weight: 400;"><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: arial;">Low Fee Option in Response to COVID-19</span></span></h2><h2><span face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #5c5a53; font-size: 16px; font-weight: 400;">In response to the financial impact our San Diego community is facing, we have hired a Clinical Mental Health Counseling (CMHC) graduate trainee. What this means is that our graduate trainee, Lauryn Plush, is currently enrolled in graduate school and is gaining practicum hours (clinical experience) to earn her Master's Degree in </span><span face="Lato, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #5c5a53;"><span style="font-size: 16px; font-weight: 400;">Clinical Mental Health Counseling. Like the Associates, Lauryn is supervised by Jennine. </span></span></h2><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="413" data-original-width="300" height="378" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fXRRQtcYzpI/X1A9MGl0LVI/AAAAAAAAEA4/CBZwAY8XRDEXK5Z1KWTPk4NUHQd3O2HxACLcBGAsYHQ/w275-h378/Lauryn-Plush-EstesTherapy.jpg" width="275" /></div><span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: x-large;"></span></div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: x-large;">Lauryn Plush</span></span></div><span style="color: #848177; font-size: 16px;">CMHC Trainee # | </span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span style="color: #848177; font-size: 16px;">Available</span></span><br /></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;">Lauryn is currently enrolled in the Clinical Mental Health Counseling Master's program at the University of San Diego. Lauryn works with individuals and couples. Give us a call to get her updated availability - or tune into our Instagram (@estestherapy) where we post available sessions every Monday. </span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i7NXTQG37LM/YA9fljRspfI/AAAAAAAAEGs/EH0b6bclZSkuVAklCZJMX0TEWQLjREyPwCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Bonnie%2Bheadshot.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1759" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i7NXTQG37LM/YA9fljRspfI/AAAAAAAAEGs/EH0b6bclZSkuVAklCZJMX0TEWQLjREyPwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Bonnie%2Bheadshot.jpg" /></a></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><br /><div><span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: x-large;">Bonnie Cardillo</span></div><div><span style="color: #848177; font-size: 16px;">CMHC Trainee # | </span></div><span style="color: #848177; font-size: 16px;">Available</span></span></div><div><span style="color: #848177;"><br /></span></div><div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;">Bonnie is currently enrolled in the Clinical Mental Health Counseling Master's program at the University of San Diego. Bonnie works with individuals and couples. Give us a call to get her updated availability - or tune into our Instagram (@estestherapy) where we post available sessions every Monday. </span></div><div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div><span class="therapist-license" face="Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #848177; font-size: 16px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></span></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-3845127276454300412017-05-26T10:45:00.000-07:002017-05-26T10:45:15.670-07:00Four Helpful Tips to Combat Emotional Affairs <div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s5">Someone once told me that love is doing something for someone else at the cost of a personal sacrifice. </span><span class="s5">L</span><span class="s5">ove is so much more than an emotion</span><span class="s5"> – it is</span><span class="s5"> knowing</span><span class="s5"> and accepting</span><span class="s5"> </span><span class="s5">someone’s intricacies</span><span class="s5">. When</span><span class="s5"> acceptance and unconditional love seem to fade</span><span class="s5">, </span><span class="s5">people often fall into emotional affairs. Emotional affairs are affairs that have manifested </span><span class="s5">by sharing a</span><span class="s5"> deep emotional commitment with someone other than your significant other</span><span class="s5">, even if no physical boundaries have been crossed</span><span class="s5">. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s5">E</span><span class="s5">motional affairs </span><span class="s5">often </span><span class="s5">begin with the loss of that initial spark </span><span class="s5">in</span><span class="s5">your</span><span class="s5"> relationship. How do you regain that spark? The answer is found within the details. </span><span class="s5">Yes, it is important to go</span><span class="s5"> out on dates </span><span class="s5">and con</span><span class="s5">nect</span><span class="s5"> on a physical level. While these are key aspects to a relationship, they leave gigantic holes that need to be filled. Saying “I love you”</span><span class="s5"> does not mean anything unless your</span><span class="s5"> actions support that claim. Details are found in the way that you listen to you</span><span class="s5">r</span><span class="s5"> significant other. They can be seen in the ways you remember </span><span class="s5">her</span><span class="s5"> birthday </span><span class="s5">and plan something amazing for her</span><span class="s5">. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s5">So</span><span class="s5">,</span><span class="s5"> how can you incorporate </span><span class="s5">special details</span><span class="s5"> in your relationship to avoid emotional affairs? </span><span class="s5">To answer this, we must first examine why the emotional affair is taking place. When relationships begin, couples go through a stage of emotional connection called symbiosis, which is the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship. Their brains are so star</span><span class="s5"> </span><span class="s5">struck by the very idea of the other person because that person has taken the time to invest in them and make them feel loved. The couple take advantage of this stage to really get to know ea</span><span class="s5">ch</span><span class="s5"> other. After time, this symbiotic stage begins to wear off and the coup</span><span class="s5">le become used to the excitement</span><span class="s5">. </span><span class="s5">E</span><span class="s5">motional affairs begin when the individual does not feel loved or known </span><span class="s5">their partner</span><span class="s5"> any more. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s5">Once someone in the relationship begins an emotional affair, it is a slippery slope towards a break up or divorce. Throughout the stage of symbiosis, each individual is sharing personal pieces of their heart </span><span class="s5">with their partner --</span><span class="s5"> giving a piece of their heart away.</span><span class="s5"> When one partner has an emotional affair, </span><span class="s5">it creates a gap </span><span class="s5">in the relationship</span><span class="s5"> and quickly leads to broken hearts</span><span class="s5">.</span><span class="s6"></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s5"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s5">While it requires work, there are </span><span class="s5">some ways to fix the emotional gap that may be leading to an emotional affair</span><span class="s5">:</span></span><br />
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<span class="s5" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Listen</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s5">One of the best ways to love your significa</span><span class="s5">nt other is by listening</span><span class="s5">. </span><span class="s5">When </span><span class="s5">he is</span><span class="s5"> speaking, you should not be thinking about what you are going to say next. When you listen, remember to hear what </span><span class="s5">your partner is</span><span class="s5"> saying.</span><span class="s6"> </span><span class="s5">It might help to r</span><span class="s5">espond </span><span class="s5">to what he says </span><span class="s5">by </span><span class="s5">starting with</span><span class="s5">, “So what you’re</span><span class="s5"> saying is…” and then repeat what </span><span class="s5">he has</span><span class="s5"> said to you. </span><span class="s5">This shows you were truly listening.</span></span><br />
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<span class="s5" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Respect</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s5">The way we speak to our significant other can dictate how respected they feel.</span><span class="s6"> </span><span class="s5">A relationship is</span><span class="s6"> </span><span class="s5">not a competition. If you are married and have children, your spouse does not want to be treated as if they are another child. If your significant other shares </span><span class="s5">personal </span><span class="s5">thoughts with you, it is because they trust you </span><span class="s5">and </span><span class="s5">want to connect with you on a personal level. Show </span><span class="s5">your partner</span><span class="s5"> that </span><span class="s5">you respect </span><span class="s5">her</span><span class="s5"> by affirming what </span><span class="s5">she is</span><span class="s5"> feeling. This detail is so important because the loss of respect can lead to very quick emotional affairs. </span></span><br />
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<span class="s5" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Trust</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s5">This can often be a frightening thing to do because it means putting your heart on the line. If </span><span class="s5">someone</span><span class="s5"> does not feel as though they are trusted, their defenses can spike </span><span class="s5">and permeate</span><span class="s5">many other aspects of the relationship </span><span class="s5">– such as</span><span class="s5"> communication and respect. A lack of trust is a quick way to lose the interest of your significant other. A strong amount of trust leads to a strong connection within couples, and a weak sense of trust can lead to an emotional affair. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><span class="s5">Live</span><span class="s5"> to love</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s5">Everyone not only needs to be loved, but deserves it as well. Love is so much more than a feeling, it is an action. It is the constant pursuit of joy in one’s relationship. Loving your significant other can be seen in the small aspects of life such as surprising </span><span class="s5">her</span><span class="s5"> with breakfast in bed. By living to love </span><span class="s5">your partner</span><span class="s5">, you are showing </span><span class="s5">her</span><span class="s5"> that you </span><span class="s5">think she is</span><span class="s5"> more important than </span><span class="s5">other parts of your life</span><span class="s5">, and that is what creates a strong emotional connection. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s5">If you have noticed that you are struggling in your relationship, or if you feel as though you are beginning to fall into an emotional affair, do not worry. You are not alone. Love can be messy, but it is the most amazing thing you can have in your life. Relationships can be difficult, but where there is struggle there is </span><span class="s5">always</span><span class="s5"> hope. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s5">If you have found yourself falling into this category and need more help, </span><span class="s5">w</span><span class="s5">e would love to have you come to Estes Therapy to work through the difficulties that you </span><span class="s5">are facing. We focus on a short-</span><span class="s5">term form of therapy called Emotionally Focused Therapy that has long</span><span class="s5">-</span><span class="s5">term effects. For more information</span><span class="s5">,</span><span class="s5"> visit our website at </span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6128976453915572520"><span class="s7" style="text-decoration: underline;">www.estestherapy.com</span></a><span class="s5"> </span></span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-5431850584753408562014-10-22T09:45:00.003-07:002014-10-22T09:50:32.170-07:00How to Communicate Your Needs: A 5-Step GuideWe all have needs, but sometimes it can be difficult to convey these needs to our partners. We might struggle with how to communicate what we are missing in the relationship. Or, it can be difficult to know how to approach our partner for fear of being misunderstood. We might also fear what will happen if our partner refuses to meet our needs. Below are five steps to help you through communicating your needs.<br />
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1. Identify your needs<br />
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Many times when we find ourselves getting annoyed or irritated by our partner, there is actually an underlying need not being met. Let’s look at fictional couple Jack and Jill. Jill gets irritated every time she has to ask Jack to take out the trash. Jill thinks it just has to do with Jack being bad at chores and being very lazy. However, if Jill looks beyond the surface issue, she finds that every time she notices the trash is full she feels like she is alone in the relationship, that Jack does not see how much she does for their household and relationship. The next time you find yourself feeling deeply frustrated about a seemingly small issue, try and look beyond the issue at hand – you might find there is a deeper need not being met. Figuring out what is really missing is the first step to communicating needs effectively in your relationship.<br />
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2. Pick your moment<br />
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When do you bring up an unmet need to your partner? Choosing when to talk about your needs is the second important step to communicating effectively in the relationship. You will likely be reminded of your need the next time there is an argument. However, bringing up anything in the heat of the moment is not the best idea. Once a couple is in a reactive place, it is nearly impossible to absorb what the other is saying. On the other hand, when things are good between you and your partner, you might shy away from discussing your unmet need so you don't stir up bad emotions. While the fear of breaking the peace in your relationship is understandable, peaceful moments are actually the best time to sit down with your partner and convey your feelings about an unmet need. When we are calm and relaxed, our defenses are down and we are more inclined to listen with a loving ear.<br />
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3. How to begin<br />
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In relationships, it is so easy to identify what our partner is doing wrong, is not doing at all, or needs to do more of. And let’s be honest – in many cases these instances are all valid and true. However, when approached with a handful of shortcomings, places for improvement, etc., your partner is inclined to become defensive, and before you know it, the two of you might quickly jump to that reactive place I mentioned earlier. Instead, try approaching your partner from that space deep down inside of you that is being affected – from that emotional place you find yourself in when you notice that need not being met. Let’s go back to Jack and Jill– instead of Jill saying “When you don’t take out the trash I feel like you don’t care about me at all,” she might try saying “Lately I have been feeling really sad because I feel like I don’t matter to you.”<br />
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4. Open arms and ears<br />
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So what happens next? In an ideal world, your partner would respond to your concern with open arms and a dedication to start showing you just how much you matter. In the real world, a partner will respond by sharing unmet needs of their own, some of which might have contributed to the behaviors you dislike. Remember Jack and Jill? Well, there is always a chance that Jack might not take out the trash because after he experiences so much criticism and anger from Jill, he feels like he can never get anything right. He starts to back away and stop trying to do chores in order to protect the relationship. When Jill sees him backing up, she gets the message that she does not matter to him. You might feel your defenses popping up when your partner is talking about an unmet need, but the best (and hardest) thing to do is to take a breath and really listen to your partner. Try to remain in a calm head space -- you will actually hear your partner much more clearly. If you listen patiently, and keep talking from a vulnerable place, you will learn so much about each other and ultimately find that your need gets met.<br />
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5. Seek Support<br />
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Sound complicated? That’s because it is. Relationships involve a lot of deep emotions, and your loved one tends to push buttons you might not have even realized you have. At times, when we experience issues with our partner, it is almost impossible to navigate through the myriad of emotions and communicate needs effectively. When it gets to this point, a therapist can help. Couples counselors are able to help organize what is going on, and help promote positive shifts in the relationship. A shift in the right direction just might help you experience your relationship in a whole new way!<div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-32321511027620801632014-04-18T09:03:00.004-07:002020-09-02T15:57:02.422-07:00How much does counseling cost?<h3>
You ask, I answer.</h3>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QGCT3hVAV9Q/X1AGKRY02-I/AAAAAAAAD-k/c1GlnC6CgTYBpOhjxDxOisLcgT7Z8lFMwCLcBGAsYHQ/s574/Screen%2BShot%2B2020-09-02%2Bat%2B1.50.49%2BPM.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="343" data-original-width="574" height="191" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QGCT3hVAV9Q/X1AGKRY02-I/AAAAAAAAD-k/c1GlnC6CgTYBpOhjxDxOisLcgT7Z8lFMwCLcBGAsYHQ/w320-h191/Screen%2BShot%2B2020-09-02%2Bat%2B1.50.49%2BPM.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><a href="https://estestherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Marriage-Counseling-San-diego-small-1.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"> </a></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Paying for couples or individual counseling shouldn’t be a guessing game, and I want to be up front with how much counseling costs. I will answer your question about how it works at my office in San Diego, CA. My goal is to help you budget for your counseling sessions ahead of time, as well as giving you options to pick the right therapist for your situation. </span></div>
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One of the main questions I get is, “How much does Counseling cost?”<br />
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Here are four options that we provide at Estes Therapy in San Diego:</h4>
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<li><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Option 1: $200 per session:</b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> You can meet with Jennine Estes (that’s me!), a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, for $200 per therapy session and each session is for 50-minutes long. Some people meet with me once a week, other people meet with me every other week or once a month. It all depends on your particular needs, goals set in counseling, and financial situation.</span></li>
<li><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Option 2: $150-175 per session:</b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> You can meet with a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for $150-175 per 50-minute counseling session - fee differs depending on therapist. The interns receive my direct supervision and I over see each clinical case…basically you are paying for two therapists to focus on your situation at the cost of one intern. Meet the interns</span></li><li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Option 3: </b><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">$125 per session: </b>You can meet with an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (graduated with their master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and currently working on gaining their clinical hours for licensure in California) for $125 per 50-minute counseling session. Two of our Associates are also currently pursuing a doctoral degree at Alliant International University in San Diego. The associates receive my direct supervision and I over see each clinical case…basically you are paying for two therapists to focus on your situation at the cost of one associate. </span></li>
<li><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Option 4: Low Fee $60 for low-income families </b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">(limited spots available). We don’t let money stand in the way from getting the help you need. We offer several low fee/low cost slots with high quality therapy services for all individuals in San Diego. No matter where you stand financially, we are here to help you get what you want in life. Our low-fee slot is with a Clinical Mental Health Counseling graduate trainee - meaning she is currently enrolled in graduate school while accruing hours. </span></li>
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<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Please call to discuss our counseling services further 619-558-0001. </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><br />
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The associates are supervised by Jennine Estes, MFT#47653.</div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.com3333 Camino Del Rio South, San Diego, CA 92108, USA32.775138 -117.1212229999999932.775138 -117.12122299999999 32.775138 -117.12122299999999tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-87608486745871674082013-05-19T22:09:00.001-07:002019-11-12T09:09:00.238-08:00Are You in Denial About Leaving Your Relationship?<br />
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Sometimes you might find yourself in a relationship that is not totally healthy anymore, or where you're no longer happy. Instead of taking the necessary steps to begin to leave your relationship, you stick around and just hope things will be better. When you're stuck in a rut and your partner isn't really trying to work with you, you might just be in denial about what you need to do. On the other hand, if you do still have strong feelings for your partner and hope that things could improve, it might just be time to step up and fight for your relationship. How do you know if you should stay and fight or if you're just in denial about leaving and afraid to admit the truth?<br />
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<b>What Percentage of You is Ready to Go?</b></div>
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Are you 50% invested in the relationship, and 50% ready to go? Or are you 99.9% ready to leave the relationship but you're just afraid? On the one hand, even if you only have a very small percentage of your heart that is not ready to leave, you should put leaving on the shelf and talk to your partner about how to make the relationship better. This is the only way to give saving the relationship a fighting chance. But, if you have tried to put leaving on the shelf and the percentage of you that wants to go keeps growing -- you may just be in denial about what your true feelings are.</div>
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<b>How is Your Partner Reacting?</b></div>
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It takes two to tango. If you are willing to fight for the relationship but your partner isn't, you can't fully recover as a couple. Whether you have past relationship wounds, or just burn out, you must both be willing to truly invest. Are you making excuses for your partner? Pretending he has a reason for why he isn't trying, or telling others that he is making strides when you don't really see any signs of effort? If your partner is not really making an effort but you continue to hold out hope for years, you might be in denial about the fact that your spouse just isn't willing to work for the relationship.</div>
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<b>How Long Have You Thought About Leaving?</b></div>
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Are your thoughts about leaving fairly new, or have you been considering this action for a long time? If you have been on the fence for a long time, you need to think about what is really keeping you in the relationship. Do you really still see hope for making it work, or are you just afraid of the unknown? If you are only staying because you are afraid to be alone, it's time to step out of denial and take the jump. Your partner can probably sense that you're not truly happy, and you are wasting your time and his.<br />
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If you don't know if you're in denial about leaving or should really stay, going to counseling can help you decide what the best course of action is. EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) in San Diego can help you reconnect with your partner, or come to terms with how to end the relationship.<br />
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Visit our main website to learn more about our counseling services: https://www.estestherapy.com</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-68369852565549959702013-02-26T19:16:00.003-08:002013-02-26T21:00:46.884-08:00Do You Need Premarital Counseling in San Diego?<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6twEbjF9o0U/US16VBufi7I/AAAAAAAAAz4/uw8MVRk_9X4/s1600/WeddingRings.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6twEbjF9o0U/US16VBufi7I/AAAAAAAAAz4/uw8MVRk_9X4/s320/WeddingRings.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<h3>
<span style="background-color: white;">Look for these signs of a relationship that's not ready to walk down the aisle.</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white;">If you are engaged and planning on getting married, you may have thought about <a href="http://estestherapy.com/resources/advice-articles/how-to-find-a-premarital-counselor" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">premarital counseling</a>. My view of premarital counseling is that it can be helpful in some way for most couples planning on saying “I do.” You wouldn’t fly a plane without flying lessons, because you need to learn the skills and safety required for navigating in the air. Similarly, premarital counseling can teach you how to handle turbulance and all the working parts of your relationship. Premarital counseling sessions are about helping couples learn the rules of <a href="http://estestherapy.com/resources/advice-articles/effective-tips-for-positive-communication" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">communication</a>, explore marriage expectations, and discuss strategy plans for the future. Most premarital therapy is used as a preventative tool -- think of it as a way to give your relationship a solid foundation before walking into the married world.<br /><br />In addition to getting premarital counseling as a way to build a strong foundation, if you recognize any of the following issues in your relationship, couples counseling is a good idea before tying the knot. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Start Marriage on the Right Foot</span></h3>
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You've said "yes" and you both want to take the best steps to planning your new life together. Premarital counseling can help build that foundation to building a healthy and long lasting love. The desire to be successful may be all that you need to know that premarital counseling is right for you. The more proactive couples are in a relationship, the better the results. Marriage and Family Therapists specialize in relationships and building a solid connection through communication and creating a secure attachment.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 18px; font-weight: normal;">Your Partner Wants Couples Counseling</span></h4>
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<span style="background-color: white;">If your partner suggests counseling, this is a sign that things haven't quite been corrected in the relationship. People don't suggest working with a professional when the relationship has a solid connection. It is very common that one partner cries out for help and the other person completely misses the critical issue until years later once the relationship has become entirely unraveled. Take the suggestion of counseling seriously when your partner brings it up -- it's better to address your issues BEFORE you get married, so don't simply blow off the suggestion of premarital counseling.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="border: 0px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Sex Has Stopped</span><strong style="border: 0px; color: #06628b; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </strong></span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white;">One of the signs that a relationship is dwindling is a <a href="http://estestherapy.com/resources/jennines-articles/10-successful-ways-to-improve-intimacy" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">lack of intimacy </a>in the bedroom. In a secure relationships, both emotional closeness and sexual closeness keep things balanced. Intimacy can go in waves through the years, but if there is an ongoing drought that lasts months or years, this is a sign to seek professional help. If you are planning on waiting for sex until you are married, premarital counseling can be a safe place to talk about your expectations when you do get married and start having sex.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You Feel Relationship Burn Out</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Going from completely engaged and seeking closeness to a completely "burnt-out" position is a danger zone. When this happens, you haven't given up on the relationship, yet you are unwilling to expose any vulnerable needs or to rely on your partner. This is a sign that things have been changing and you could be going down a dangerous road, headed towards complete disconnection. This is a critical time for couples to seek counseling and get both people to engage in the relationship, especially since you are about to get married!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Someone Cheated</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white;">This may be a no brainer for some people, but affairs are signs that premarital counseling is needed. Whether the affair was just revealed, or you are active in the affair, it is critical to understand why this happened in the first place and heal any emotional injuries. Many couples think that they can simply lock up the past, say "I am sorry," and move on. In reality, affairs are very fragile situations where the repair work is critical and must handled in a healing way. Every second counts when <a href="http://estestherapy.com/resources/jennines-articles/quick-tips-on-how-to-build-your-trust-in-your-relationship" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">rebuilding trust</a> and regaining the security in a relationship. Moving on doesn't mean shutting the door to pain, but it also doesn't mean you relive the pain over and over. Seeking counseling helps couples handle the fears and emotions that arise in the present and take action to create a long term resolution.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You Seek Outside Comfort</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white;">When either you or your partner quickly go to friends or family before turning to the relationship, you should seek counseling. When we no longer turn to one another to resolve issues and instead turn to others for support, a wedge is created in the relationship. Sometimes it becomes easier and easier to turn to others and this can quickly snow ball into a drawn out relationship that dissolves over time. You need to learn to work together so that when you are officially a married couple, you can truly work together as a team instead of starting out on the wrong foot.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You Have Feelings For Someone Else</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Thoughts can be thoughts and simply just that. But other times a fantasy leads us to an exciting place where it would be easy to cross the line if the opportunity arises. It is vital to get at the heart of why you get so excited when your co-worker sends you a text, or a friend calls you. If your relationship was solid and secure you wouldn’t consider being with someone else. Something significant is going on, and things are lacking in your current relationship. Start couples counseling to figure out what you aren't getting in the relationship and give your partner an opportunity to get it right with you before it is too late.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Arguments are Heated</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white;">When <a href="http://estestherapy.com/resources/advice-articles/how-to-communicate-during-an-argument-7-quick-rules" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">fights continue</a> to go to bad places, either verbally or physically, couples counseling is essential. The more attacks you take at one another, the more you drive each other way and develop a bad habit when it comes to communication. Any time the relationship becomes degrading or hurtful, it is time to seek some expert advice on how to stop the damage and to the relationship.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">If you recognize any of these problems in your relationship before you get married, you NEED to get back on track before going through with the wedding. If there are serious cracks in the foundation of your relationship now, they won't get magically fixed by walking down the aisle. Seek out premarital counseling so you can learn better communication and built trust and a secure bond in the relationship now. Think of premarital counseling as an investment in your marriage.</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-15372955841011648792013-02-10T00:37:00.001-08:002013-02-10T00:37:47.963-08:00How Counseling Can Save Your Marriage<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9GvEjbRckgY/UQWKfX6jcoI/AAAAAAAAAzY/P3VfbrNA8P0/s1600/save+your+marriage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9GvEjbRckgY/UQWKfX6jcoI/AAAAAAAAAzY/P3VfbrNA8P0/s320/save+your+marriage.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666;">Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net</span></td></tr>
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When your marriage hits a rough patch, the communication can break down quickly and it might feel like you're hanging on by a thread. If you don't take action, arguments will increase and you can feel more alone than ever. Counseling will help you rewire the way that you communicate in your marriage, and get to the bottom of each person's feelings. The therapist will service as an impartial mediator, pointing out areas where each partner can compromise, and helping you work as a team to rebuild trust and a safe bond. How can counseling save your marriage? Here are the top ways it will help you turn things around.<br />
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<b>1. Improved Communication</b><br />
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Counseling will teach you how to talk to your spouse about your feelings in a way that does not come across as attacking. This is essential! If your significant other feels attacked when you approach him, he will become defensive right away and communication breaks down. By figuring out how to approach each other in a way that is not nagging or blaming, you can really start to hear each other and work together. Communication is one of the most important ways to keep your marriage in tact.<br />
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<b>2. Creating a Safe Space</b><br />
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You need to feel safe in a marriage. That includes being able to open up, be yourself, and know that your partner will always be there for you. Counseling helps build a secure bond with your partner so that you both feel safe. On top of improving your communication, turning your marriage into a safe space can also eliminate jealousy and improve your trust. In counseling, you can both express what you need to happen for the marriage to feel secure and safe, and your therapist will serve as a guide to the process -- she will make sure both parties are heard.<br />
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<b>3. Dealing With Past Hurt</b><br />
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Once you know how to communicate with each other and feel safe, counseling will let you deal with past hurt. Whether its infidelity in your own relationship, or trauma that you experienced outside of the relationship, dealing with past pain will let you heal and move forward in a more healthy way. Letting your partner in on your past hurt and help you move past it will bring you closer, and just might save your marriage.<div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-32888077417876983242012-12-01T14:30:00.000-08:002012-12-09T00:20:56.940-08:00How to Deal with Difficult Family Members During the Holidays<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v2Yi2vu1rfk/ULRrMXFkRpI/AAAAAAAAAjc/WVO-tATcTgU/s1600/Santa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v2Yi2vu1rfk/ULRrMXFkRpI/AAAAAAAAAjc/WVO-tATcTgU/s320/Santa.jpg" width="211" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #999999;">freedigitalphotos.net</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The holidays are supposed to be the happiest time of the year, but in fact they can actually be among the most stressful months. Besides tracking down gifts for everyone and spending lots of money, you may have to deal with some less-than-ideal relatives during this time of the year -- sending your blood pressure through the roof. Have a parent or other family member who you know will drive you bonkers this holiday season? Here are some tips for getting through it in one piece.<br />
<br />
<b>Mentally Prepare Yourself</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Chances are, a difficult relative isn't going to suddenly come out of the woodwork. If Aunt Ida was a challenge last Christmas, you can expect the same this year, and you know exactly they type of behavior she will pull out of her hat. Go into celebrations and family gatherings with a game plan for how you will deflect certain comments or change the subject when a particular comment or bad joke happens. You'll have a much easier time staying calm and getting out of a sticky situation if you have an idea of how you're going to handle it before hand. You can just stick to the plan as opposed to having to think on your feet.<br />
<br />
<b>Have a Partner in Crime</b><br />
<br />
If you and your sister both share the same problem with one relative, make a mutual deal where you'll save each other from an uncomfortable conversation with that person. Knowing that someone else at the party has your back can take a lot of stress off of your shoulders. Your sister (or other designated family member) will swoop in to pull you away if they spot you being hounded about being single for the 3rd Christmas in a row, or dealing with yet another offensive joke from your cousin's husband.<br />
<br />
<b>Don't Contribute to the Problem</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Just because someone in your family insists on being a thorn in your side doesn't mean that you have to retaliate with bad behavior of your own. While you don't need to be a doormat, don't let yourself get riled up and yell at someone -- because then you'll just look like the bad guy who ruined the Christmas party. If a family member tries to pick a fight, let her know flat out that you're not going to argue on the holiday. If someone insists on chiding you about some aspect of your life, just let him know you don't want to talk about that subject and turn the conversation to something else. Repeat yourself if necessary, or leave the room if that is the only way to diffuse a potential argument.<br />
<br />
<b>Try to Empathize</b><br />
<br />
If someone is really negative during the holidays, they usually have something bad going on in their life or are generally an insecure or unhappy person. Try to look at your difficult family member through that lens, as difficult as that may be, and remember that they are communicating in the only way they know how given their state. They might actually be trying to connect with you even though it seems they're being critical or harsh.<br />
<br />
<b>Take Breaks</b><br />
<br />
Sometimes taking a few minutes alone in a private room, or going for a walk, is all you need to calm down and re-energize. These 10 to 15 minute breaks will give you a reprieve from your troublesome family members and give you a chance to consciously focus on something positive. Use this time to call a friend who is somewhere else and make jokes to get your mind back in a positive space before you return to your family.<br />
<br />
The family members in your life might not always be the easiest pill to swallow, but just remember that in a matter of days you will return to your regular life. Try to focus on positive things about your family and turn their flaws into funny quirks in your mind.<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-24313785697817076562012-10-13T12:33:00.000-07:002013-02-26T21:02:39.814-08:00Which Type of Counselor is Right For You?<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-289M9CRQHrw/UHnBeoExetI/AAAAAAAAAhg/C_qwKbwLSDA/s1600/BestMarriageCounselor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-289M9CRQHrw/UHnBeoExetI/AAAAAAAAAhg/C_qwKbwLSDA/s320/BestMarriageCounselor.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<h3>
Breaking Down Different Therapy Degrees </h3>
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When you look for a counselor, you will find out pretty quickly that there are many different types of practitioners. I am Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT), but several other types of counselors exist as well. Do some research and find out which type of counselor makes the most sense for your personal situation. For example, do you want to focus mainly on issues related to your relationship or family, or do you want intense individual counseling with someone who can prescribe medication? The counselor you choose might depend largely on their specialty and degree, so here is a little background on some of the main different types of counselors.</div>
<h4>
Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT)</h4>
<span style="color: #706155; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.5em;">MFTs are licensed to work in their state and provide mental health services surrounding issues of relationships. After getting a graduate degree in marriage and family therapy, MFTs also complete 3,000 hours of an internship under the supervision of another licensed MFT where they work with real clients. A marriage and family therapist helps you get to the core of your emotional issues, and will often look at problems from the context of the relationships in your life. An MFT often works with couples, but can also provide individual counseling. Within the MFT field, counselors use different theoretical approaches. I use Emotionally Focused Therapy.</span><br />
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" mce_name="strong" mce_style="font-weight: bold;" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)</span></h4>
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A LCSW has a graduate degree in social work, and has also passed a state or national exam to become licensed. A licensed clinical social worker has to complete hours of clinical supervision, which can be different depending on the state they live in. LCSWs practice psychotherapy, and can help you with mental health issues that get in the way of your everyday life. A LCSW has studied things like sociology, social work, human behavior, growth and development, and they also know a lot about research methods.</div>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" mce_name="strong" mce_style="font-weight: bold;" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Psychologist</span></h4>
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A psychologist has a Doctorate degree in psychology. Psychologists are educated to deal with mental illness, behavior problems, and diseases of the brain – they are trained specifically in patterns of human behavior and how the brain works under different emotions and conditions. A psychologist must go to school for between five and seven years to get their Doctorate, which usually includes conducting their own research and taking an internship. A psychologist can work with either individuals or couples.</div>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" mce_name="strong" mce_style="font-weight: bold;" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Psychiatrist</span></h4>
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A psychiatrist goes to medical school and gets her M.D. They are trained to diagnose and assess mental illness, and they are allowed to prescribe medication because they are medical doctors. A psychiatrist has gone to school for formal training, and then completed a residency at a medical practice or hospital before they are fully licensed. Many psychiatrists are specialized in one particular area, such as children or addiction. Psychiatrists look at things from disease, behavior, personality, and life experience perspectives.</div>
<h4>
Life Coach</h4>
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A life coach is not required to have any formal training, and they are not allowed to diagnose or treat mental illness. Instead, a life coach is there to help you figure out what your goals are in life and then stay on track to meet them. A life coach doesn’t necessarily help you deal with your past – they are just there to keep you motivated to achieve goals like education or finding a new job.</div>
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The type of counselor you see might really shape your experience. If you think you want to work with a MFT, <a href="http://estestherapy.com/contact-us-page" mce_href="http://estestherapy.com/contact-us-page" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">give me a call</a> or book an appointment <a href="https://server18.securedata-trans.com/ap/estestherapy1/index.php?page=10" mce_href="https://server18.securedata-trans.com/ap/estestherapy1/index.php?page=10" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">online</a> and let’s see if I can help you!</div>
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<span style="color: #888888; font-style: italic;">Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net </span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-4609338830673720352012-09-19T22:17:00.000-07:002014-04-18T08:41:45.347-07:00Looking for San Diego Counseling?<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Xuontm0_pOE/UFqmZ6D3z7I/AAAAAAAAAdM/Ds4ORKHYEN8/s1600/SanDiegoCounseling.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Xuontm0_pOE/UFqmZ6D3z7I/AAAAAAAAAdM/Ds4ORKHYEN8/s200/SanDiegoCounseling.png" height="132" width="200" /></a></div>
<h3>
<span style="background-color: white;">
Where to Start and What to Expect</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white;">San Diego is a large city, and finding a therapist can seem overwhelming. What should you expect? How to you <a href="http://estestherapy.com/resources/advice-articles/finding-the-best-marriage-counselor-in-san-diego-what-you-need-to-know" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">find the right person</a>? Where can you begin a search? These are all questions that probably pop up when you start to go about getting San Diego counseling. The good news is that while looking for the right counselor is something you should take seriously, it doesn’t have to be scary.</span></div>
<h4>
<span style="background-color: white;">
Finding a Therapist</span></h4>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Psychology Today is one trusted resource for finding a counselor. You can narrow your search by your neighborhood, and many therapists make a profile on the site so you can read more about them before you reach out. <a href="http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Click here</a> to find the Psychology Today search.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #706155; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: white;">GoodTherapy.org is another place to search for a therapist. This site also lets you search by location, so you can find San Diego counseling in your neighborhood, and they have verified some of the therapists’ credentials. <a href="http://www.goodtherapy.org/" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Click here</a> to get to the GoodTherapy.org therapist search.</span></div>
<h4>
<span style="background-color: white;">
What to Expect</span></h4>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #706155; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: white;">During your first<a href="http://estestherapy.com/counseling/individual-counseling" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank"> therapy session</a>, your therapist will probably begin a pretty casual conversation, where you can explain why you came in for an appointment. It’s not what you see in the movies – you won’t lay on a couch while the counselor just sits there and looks bored. Once your therapist gets to know more about you, she will begin to ask you questions and then give you some tools for how to move forward. If you are in <a href="http://estestherapy.com/jennine-s-blog/couples-counseling-what-to-expect" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">couples counseling</a>, the therapist is there to be a neutral party who listens to both people and then helps guide the conversation between the couple. Couples often think of me as the only un-biased person in their lives, and that's what a counselor is for -- someone who won't take a side. A therapist will help you build healthy communication patterns and deal with conflict as a <a href="http://estestherapy.com/resources/advice-articles/how-to-communicate-during-an-argument-7-quick-rules" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">discussion and not an argument</a>.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TWDcZuWLh2M/U1FHoC58_mI/AAAAAAAACj8/mCKWVjwgdmk/s1600/san+diego+couples+marriage+therapy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TWDcZuWLh2M/U1FHoC58_mI/AAAAAAAACj8/mCKWVjwgdmk/s1600/san+diego+couples+marriage+therapy.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #706155; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: white;">Counseling can help you build <a href="http://estestherapy.com/resources/jennines-articles/self-esteem-building-a-more-confident-you" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">self-esteem</a>, heal past trauma, and overcome issues like <a href="http://estestherapy.com/counseling/anger-management" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">anger</a> and body images. Even though searching for a counselor in a city as big as San Diego might seem overwhelming, building a better you is well worth it!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">If you need San Diego counseling and think I can help, <a href="http://estestherapy.com/contact-us-page" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">give me a call</a>! You can also <a href="https://server18.securedata-trans.com/ap/estestherapy1/index.php?page=10" style="border: 0px; color: #9f0d00; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">book online</a>.</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-20077827788550002852012-09-16T00:11:00.002-07:002012-10-13T12:34:44.498-07:00Life on the Fence: Should You Stay or Should You Go?<br />
<h3>
What to Consider if You're One Foot Out the Door</h3>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bc7HIbc3DDQ/UBipN3ORAZI/AAAAAAAAAYU/ICzT05df1Ds/s1600/LivingOntheFence.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bc7HIbc3DDQ/UBipN3ORAZI/AAAAAAAAAYU/ICzT05df1Ds/s320/LivingOntheFence.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="color: #999999;">Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net</span></i>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Women who are unfulfilled in a relationship soon begin to
live on the fence. Half invested the relationship, half completely checked out
and ready to leave. When this happens, you can’t seem to find that feeling of
love and feeling alive. Thoughts of stepping out of the relationship become more frequent and much more
tempting. Women might feel especially torn because they don’t want to do the
wrong thing, the guilt takes over, or the fear of the unknown gets
overwhelming. The hardest part is when children are part of
the equation; women can feel a strong sense of obligation to make it work for
the kids yet they are dying inside. If you’re on the fence, look for the signs
of burn out and ask yourself some big questions.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<h4>
<b>Burn Out</b></h4>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you feel burnt out in your relationship? No matter how
hard you try to feel emotions, you just can’t seem to find a spark? Hours of
the same arguments, trust issues, and feeling unheard can lead to the same burn
out you experience when you spend too much time getting frustrated about
anything. When you feel burnt out, you may begin to have difficulty sleeping,
feel anxious often, and just be sick of dealing with your partner. At this
point in the relationship is when women will often consider leaving. Before you head out the door, however, take the time to
really ask yourself important questions and weigh the options.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<h4>
<b>How Much Are You On
The Fence?</b></h4>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Having uncertainty in your relationship because your partner
continues to be unfaithful is very different than being on the fence because he is needy or calls too much. One of these issues is a serious crack in the
foundation of your relationship, and the other might be fixed with an honest
conversation. When you are on the fence, a large part of you is already out of the relationship but a small part is hanging on and might consider staying. When you find yourself on the fence of a relationship, take a
step back and imagine if there is anything he could magically change or become,
would it help you consider putting a little bit of your heart back in the
relationship? Will the problems you face allow you two time for recovery if he
starts showing up EXACTLY how you need him to be? Or is it “too little too
late?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<h4>
<b>Are You Telling Him
What You Need And Exactly Where You Are?</b></h4>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s important to ask yourself when you’re considering
leaving your relationship: “Have I told him what’s bothering and the changes I
need to consider working on the relationship?” If your partner is blissfully
unaware that anything is wrong (or the severity of where you are) things can’t
get better! Communicate how severe things are, what you need, and the ways in
which you think the relationship needs to change. Then…listen! Once a dialogue
is open, you might find that you start to feel more secure in the relationship
and get off the fence.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<h4>
<br /><b>Is He Willing to Work
On It?</b></h4>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It really does take two to make a relationship work. If you
are on the fence because you have expressed what you need or want to change and
your partner is unwilling to bend, you probably feel like you’re in the
relationship alone. When you find yourself here, it’s time to consider seeking
counseling NOW! Make sure you are ready
to leave by sorting through the history of how you got to this place. You may be flirting with the idea of landing
on the other side of the fence – leaving -- but make sure you have
exhausted all your resources and attempts. Still, it is hard to
fight for a relationship when the other person is not equally invested or
willing to work on it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<h4>
<b>Is a Third Party
Involved?</b></h4>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are a woman on the fence because you are having a
fling, or have feelings for someone else, the first step is to cut off
communication with the third party – at least in the short term. Only once you
have stopped talking to the other object of your desire can you have a clear
head about whether or not you should stay or go in your current relationship.
If you do decide to leave the relationship, make sure to close that door
completely before you start something new.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Experiencing relationship burn out is something many women
experience, and doesn’t necessarily signal the end of the relationship. If you
are willing to put in work, and so is your partner, you might be able to
salvage what you have. If you decide to move on, do yourself a favor and make
sure one relationship is over before you start a different one – or things will
only become more complicated. </div>
</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-90425126991027014952012-08-19T22:33:00.000-07:002012-08-19T22:33:02.093-07:007 Signs You Need Couples Counseling<br />
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<h3>
DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS ON THE BRINK</h3>
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If your relationship is on the rocks, you might start to question whether or not you’re in the right situation. Before you throw in the towel, you should definitely consider couples counseling, which can help you learn to change your patterns as a couple and start to move forward in a more healthy way. If you don’t know whether or not you’re in trouble, here are the signs that you need marriage counseling.</div>
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1. <span class="Apple-style-span" mce_name="strong" mce_style="font-weight: bold;" style="border: 0px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Your partner suggests couples counseling: </span>If your partner suggests counseling, this is a sign that things haven't quite been corrected in the relationship. People don't suggest working with a professional when the relationship has a solid connection. It is very common that one partner cries out for help and the other person completely misses the critical issue until years later once the relationship has become entirely unraveled. Take the suggestion of marriage counseling seriously when your spouse brings it up.</div>
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2. <span class="Apple-style-span" mce_name="strong" mce_style="font-weight: bold;" style="border: 0px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The relationship is sexless: </span>One of the signs that a relationship is dwindling is a lack of intimacy in the bedroom. In a secure relationships, both emotional closeness and sexual closeness keep things balanced. Intimacy can go in waves through the years, but if there is an ongoing drought that lasts months or years, this is a sign to seek professional help.</div>
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3. <span class="Apple-style-span" mce_name="strong" mce_style="font-weight: bold;" style="border: 0px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You become burnt-out: </span>Going from completely engaged and seeking closeness to a completely "burnt-out" position is a danger zone. When this happens, you haven't given up on the relationship, yet you are unwilling to expose any vulnerable needs or to rely on your partner. This is a sign that things have been changing and you could be going down a dangerous road, headed towards complete disconnection. This is a critical time for couples to seek counseling and get both people to engage in the relationship.</div>
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4. <span class="Apple-style-span" mce_name="strong" mce_style="font-weight: bold;" style="border: 0px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">There’s been infidelity: </span>This may be a no brainer for some people, but affairs are signs that marriage counseling is needed. Whether the affair was just revealed, or you are active in the affair, it is critical to understand why this happened in the first place and heal any emotional injuries. Many couples think that they can simply lock up the past, say "I am sorry," and move on. In reality, affairs are very fragile situations where the repair work is critical and must handled in a healing way. Every second counts when rebuilding trust and regaining the security in a relationship. Moving on doesn't mean shutting the door to pain, but it also doesn't mean you relive the pain over and over. Seeking counseling helps couples handle the fears and emotions that arise in the present and take action to create a long term resolution.</div>
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5. <span class="Apple-style-span" mce_name="strong" mce_style="font-weight: bold;" style="border: 0px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You’re seeking comfort from others: </span>When either you or your spouse quickly go to friends or family before turning to the relationship, you should seek counseling. When we no longer turn to one another to resolve issues and instead turn to others for support, a wedge is created in the relationship. Sometimes it becomes easier and easier to turn to others and this can quickly snow ball into a drawn out relationship that dissolves over time.</div>
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6. <span class="Apple-style-span" mce_name="strong" mce_style="font-weight: bold;" style="border: 0px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You’re fantasizing or beginning to have feelings for others:</span> Thoughts can be thoughts and simply just that. But other times a fantasy leads us to an exciting place where it would be easy to cross the line if the opportunity arises. It is vital to get at the heart of why you get so excited when your co-worker sends you a text, or a friend calls you. If your relationship was solid and secure you wouldn’t consider being with someone else. Something significant is going on, and things are lacking in your current relationship. Start couples counseling to figure out what you aren't getting in the relationship and give your spouse an opportunity to get it right with you before it is too late.</div>
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7. <span class="Apple-style-span" mce_name="strong" mce_style="font-weight: bold;" style="border: 0px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The fighting is bad: </span>When fights continue to go to bad places, either verbally or physically, couples counseling is essential. The more attacks you take at one another, the more you drive each other way and develop a bad habit when it comes to communication. Any time the relationship becomes degrading or hurtful, it is time to seek some expert advice on how to stop the damage and to the relationship.</div>
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Couples counseling will help you get back on track when the security in your relationship begins to dwindle. Before your relationship is pushed to the brink of destruction, visit a counselor to learn better communication and get to the bottom of your issues.<br />
<br />
If you're in San Diego and need help working through anger in your relationship, <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/" target="_blank">contact me today</a> and let's see if I can help!</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-27510369405903663152012-07-17T21:48:00.000-07:002012-07-31T20:32:06.036-07:005 Tips for Keeping Texting from Hurting your Relationships<br />
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Don't use digital communication as a substitution for real dates.</h2>
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Yes, texting is easy. In just a few seconds, you can grab your phone, type a message and go on with your day. Texting, and your cell phone in general, also serve as a convenient distraction when you're bored or in silence. People check their phones for messages when they’re in line at a store, during any down time at home, and even when they are with a loved one who they should be paying attention to. If you’re like many people, your phone probably goes everywhere with you! Texting in relationships can become a problem -- many couples sit in bed with their phones at night, spending time browsing the Internet or texting friends instead of snuggling up with their partner. Even though this mode of communication is very easy, it shouldn't replace other forms of communication altogether! Before you let your texting and mobile phone habit ruin your dating life or relationship, consider the following five things.</div>
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<img alt="" class="mceWPmore mceItemNoResize" data-mce-src="http://estestherapy.com/relationshiptips/wp-includes/js/tinymce/plugins/wordpress/img/trans.gif" src="http://estestherapy.com/relationshiptips/wp-includes/js/tinymce/plugins/wordpress/img/trans.gif" style="background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://estestherapy.com/relationshiptips/wp-includes/js/tinymce/themes/advanced/skins/wp_theme/img/more_bug.gif); background-position: 100% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-top-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-top-style: dotted; border-width: 1px 0px 0px; cursor: default; display: block; height: 12px; margin: 15px auto 0px; width: 788px;" title="More..." /></div>
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<strong>1. Don’t text during date night.</strong>If you’re texting during a date, whether it’s the first date or five years into marriage, you’re telling the other person that they’re not special enough for you to devote all of your attention to them. Don’t make your date feel inferior to your cell phone – turn it off on date night! If you must, check it only briefly for important messages, but don’t carry on long text or phone conversations when there’s someone in front of you who desires your attention! Your date should have to text you from across the table just to get a response from you. If you spend too much time texting on a date, you will probably frustrate your partner, and might even ruin the possibility of a next date.</div>
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<strong>2. Never underestimate face-to-face time.</strong>A lot of communication includes body language and tone of voice. If you are only texting or emailing your significant other, you might misunderstand the message or miss important cues. Many teenagers, and even adults, are using texting and social media as a way to form new relationships. While it’s OK to use technology as a part of your communication, don’t underestimate the benefits of actually sitting with someone in person!</div>
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<strong>3. Don’t angry text.</strong>It’s tempting to pick up a phone and send a text when you’ve had a bad day or are stewing about something. Be careful not to send a resentful or angry text to someone you’re dating or your spouse – you might regret it later, and your anger can easily seem worse in a pithy text than it would if you had a chance to explain yourself in person. Instead, use texting to set up a time to talk later, or make yourself take a time out before you text anything.</div>
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<strong>4. Create rules.</strong>Once you’re dating someone for a period of time, you should set rules for how you’ll handle texting time. For instance, you might have a “no cell phones after 9pm” policy, so you always have a few hours in the evening where you are really paying attention to each other. Or, if your partner doesn’t want to receive texts while they’re at work, respect that. If you set these boundaries, you won’t end up always neglecting other forms of communication because all you’re doing is texting.</div>
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<strong>5. Avoid making assumptions.</strong>Even if you make up rules about texting, because mobile communication is so common you will surely text your loved ones at least some of the time. Avoid reading into a text too much – keep in mind that with such a limited amount of characters, you probably aren’t getting the full picture of the other person’s thoughts with the text. Before you assume something, pick up the phone and ask the person what they meant, or talk to them in person. Don’t let a texting misunderstanding get blown out of proportion when it could be cleared up with a full conversation!</div>
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Texting and emailing are so common that you probably can’t avoid them, but that doesn’t mean they have to take over your life! Don’t let other forms of communication fall to the wayside or get ignored altogether. The omnipresence of technology shouldn’t mean that you never take the time to look into someone’s eyes, acknowledge him or her, and have a real heart to heart conversation.</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-81688022395311842232012-07-07T17:28:00.001-07:002012-07-07T18:58:52.429-07:00Q&A: My Boyfriend Writes to Other Girls on Facebook, What Should I Do?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ8vxsitF9A0f3L5xcgVFeAXEEniYVLJnVvdu_HYLFZPORAja6ES6UcHghi2p62gt1O5FWP9ykCmUlC2I3SGbvqyFv502kAFl_uZ-VchdOoAYleonKFmp5ufmPxT-vbBwsSumbzbLMMNWd/s1600/StatusQuote.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ8vxsitF9A0f3L5xcgVFeAXEEniYVLJnVvdu_HYLFZPORAja6ES6UcHghi2p62gt1O5FWP9ykCmUlC2I3SGbvqyFv502kAFl_uZ-VchdOoAYleonKFmp5ufmPxT-vbBwsSumbzbLMMNWd/s320/StatusQuote.jpg" title="" width="320" /></a><b></b><br />
<h3>
<b>How to handle social networking trust issues</b></h3>
<b>Question:</b><b><a href="http://estestherapy.com/relationshiptips/2012/05/15/qa-my-boyfriend-writes-to-other-girls-on-facebook-what-should-i-do/"></a></b><br />
I discovered that my boyfriend is writing to other girls on Facebook
and it really bothers me. He usually just asks how they’re doing and
they never respond (probably because they can see he’s in a
relationship). I knew he was doing this in the past, and then I
discovered his Facebook password and I logged into his account even
though I know I shouldn’t snoop. I found more emails to other girls!
What should I do now?<br />
<br />
<b>Answer:</b><br />
Since he has a track record of writing to other girls on Facebook in
the past, you obviously don’t trust your boyfriend completely. Snooping
is something that partners do to figure out whether or not they can
trust each other in the relationship. If you already trusted him, you
would not have been so tempted to secretly check his Facebook account.
When you find more emails being sent out, it only leaves you feeling
more unsettled and insecure in the relationship, confirming why you
mistrusted him in the first place. This might turn into a cycle if you
don’t address the problem.<br />
<br />
As for what to do next, don’t hide the fact that you read the emails.
The bad feelings you have about the emails will only grow, fester, and
come out in a bad way later on down the road. Deal with the issue
straight on — you need to fess up and let your boyfriend know what’s
going on. You did cross the line and violate his privacy by snooping, so
be prepared to take responsibility for playing a part in hurting the
relationship.<br />
<br />
While you were crossing a line to log into your boyfriend’s Facebook
account, the secretive emails to other women can also be seen as a
betrayal. Your boyfriend needs to be held accountable for his part too.
It sounds like trust is now declining on a fast pace in your
relationship, so you need to establish some ground rules to live by. The
secretive emails must stop and you will need to see evidence that your
boyfriend is being honest with you.<br />
<br />
Caution! You may be so hurt and angry that you just want to lecture
your boyfriend and flood him with a lot of emotion at once. Don’t do
that! Instead, turn to your partner in a non-attacking way and share
with him how hurt you feel as calmly as you can. Also acknowledge how
you did invade his privacy and own up to your part. Come up with a plan
of attack together for how you can start fighting to rebuild the trust
in your relationship and make it stronger.<div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-58666692308432888442012-06-05T20:13:00.000-07:002012-06-16T14:49:46.946-07:00Love Notes on a Coffee Cup -- A Great Way to Start the Day!<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004IK9IY2/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=relintheraw-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B004IK9IY2"></a><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1507089446"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ7hQaXlw5OllfvcvVl5y-X9z7sTEayv5YkgwBxvK9Vs4A-quXRlIMMnMMWkJ3HyMu_zFHAsrzRE7QMqywo4c5k0s6tJyLOY4yE7XT2kCFcpqbUpfjizruyunAs1qyxXeWdmr1DpcuRgKu/s320/edit2-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.corconnection.com/" target="_blank">Photo by CorConnections.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Most
romance needs a good jump start in the morning if it's going to keep
moving throughout the day, ending with a candlelit dinner in the
evening. Some people leave love notes around the house, but in my home
we leave daily notes on a coffee mug since we</span><span style="color: black;"> love to wake up to a nice hot cup of coffee</span><span style="color: black;">! <br /><br />There is nothing like waking up to a good cup of joe AND a special
note. I found these amazing mugs on Amazon that can kick start your day in the
romance department with daily love note surprises.</span></span></span><br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004IK9IY2/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=relintheraw-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B004IK9IY2">Get Your Own Mugs Here!</a><br />
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<br />
<img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=relintheraw-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B004IK9IY2" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" /><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold;"><b>Need some inspiration? Here are a few ideas:</b></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b>1. Make it simply an I Love You Kinda Day:</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> You can use the chalkboard space on the front of the mug to write good luck wishes, draw cute pictures, or just express a simple "I Love You" to make your spouse smile the first thing in the morning.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIBus8BOVEBAskUaj_k6izhfOyCi7DtUTB0VxfzgXNeUMKF731kD4vtyTgWMOF0UAiPrfdsEMGBCApL1ZHXdFfRSpSrErCSzXhWT_MK9Jx5tq-GOhR4c6YuLdFOStqPFyNO_KU8_10rGSI/s1600/I+love+you.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img alt="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004IK9IY2/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=relintheraw-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B004IK9IY2" border="0" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIBus8BOVEBAskUaj_k6izhfOyCi7DtUTB0VxfzgXNeUMKF731kD4vtyTgWMOF0UAiPrfdsEMGBCApL1ZHXdFfRSpSrErCSzXhWT_MK9Jx5tq-GOhR4c6YuLdFOStqPFyNO_KU8_10rGSI/s320/I+love+you.jpg" title="" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>2. Flirty Flirty: </b>Yes, you can make it cute and romantic, but you can always make a little sexual teaser or date plans. Don't just make it cute or plain, spice it up with a little hint of fun! Make a date! The photo shows a fun dinner date, yet with a little spice to it. </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"Me + You + Dinner @ 6pm = Fun, Love, and Shh..."</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-79WDCbSF-hOUbQPsidzNVxpfmvyQ-uD7WVXdZbew-udFSUrHGTRBr1EEGe7hGTne2SCjZOzRwRzQOd0Ld85gB0rzvhrjIaQWwOheSn_WdfZn-20W_4Hhi1qlxhPbdWZPVbuAM9n01LuJ/s1600/dinner+date+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-79WDCbSF-hOUbQPsidzNVxpfmvyQ-uD7WVXdZbew-udFSUrHGTRBr1EEGe7hGTne2SCjZOzRwRzQOd0Ld85gB0rzvhrjIaQWwOheSn_WdfZn-20W_4Hhi1qlxhPbdWZPVbuAM9n01LuJ/s320/dinner+date+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b>3. Take Turns!:</b> The
best part about these mugs is that you can take turns surprising each other.
You will both have a moment of excitement in the morning when you
wonder, "What could be written on my mug today?" Use these miniature
chalk boards as an opportunity to tell your partner exactly why you love
him or her, give positive encouragement, or make them laugh. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV28BxyXiLNjnfqBBXSeN8Q8WIVwv7dQtrEyxqNYpFrKMyQ1bi4gqNIlJyUWuNi7GTAbBl0VGqLkMKY3wZNEenQouoTljP0z14lLiREqjhpNUTGD11x25rgVzUmeZbY777bwlVMEaTHaeb/s1600/heart+4-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV28BxyXiLNjnfqBBXSeN8Q8WIVwv7dQtrEyxqNYpFrKMyQ1bi4gqNIlJyUWuNi7GTAbBl0VGqLkMKY3wZNEenQouoTljP0z14lLiREqjhpNUTGD11x25rgVzUmeZbY777bwlVMEaTHaeb/s320/heart+4-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b>4. Words of Love or Encouragement: </b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">These
messages are especially good on days when you know your spouse is
emotional or sick -- your message might be just what they need to get
out of a funk! You can also use the space to ask for a date night, or
surprise him or her with by saying you've planned a weekend trip away.
The possibilities are pretty endless, just have fun!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAlYkC4gAv5FgjE1X7oS0cfV6lSLd_FDWz1djxMW1a_DjcJOdQ33n6qa2o6-lxlM8QxlPedyRwfFFOCK3H0mszo-8SeQ59a7RL5Kbo75tg0TM2YHzrVBBiT9sksaUIBDg1AqVyQUZmjZoM/s1600/great+day+2-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAlYkC4gAv5FgjE1X7oS0cfV6lSLd_FDWz1djxMW1a_DjcJOdQ33n6qa2o6-lxlM8QxlPedyRwfFFOCK3H0mszo-8SeQ59a7RL5Kbo75tg0TM2YHzrVBBiT9sksaUIBDg1AqVyQUZmjZoM/s320/great+day+2-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004IK9IY2/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=relintheraw-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B004IK9IY2">Get Your Mugs Here!</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=relintheraw-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B004IK9IY2" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">All photos provided by<a href="http://www.corconnections.com/" target="_blank"> CorConnections.com</a></span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"></span></span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-31103861608379647712012-06-01T20:33:00.001-07:002012-06-27T06:59:03.012-07:00San Diego Counseling: Day, Evening, Weekend Appointments<h3>
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<a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/"><img alt="http://www.estestherapy.com" border="0" height="291" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HIxF45QOg3k/T8BEUdKeRHI/AAAAAAAAAUk/smHNCw1VLY8/s320/san+diego+counseling+therapy+logo.png" title="" width="320" /></a></div>
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New! Counseling for San Diego during the evening and weekend </h3>
The last thing we want at <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/" target="_blank">Estes Therapy</a> is for you to avoid
a counseling session just because you can’t find a way to fit it into your
schedule. We know that life gets busy, and you may have to work during the day,
so we have extended the hours at our San Diego office to include evenings and
weekends! Thanks to our new hours, we can accommodate our clients until 8pm
Monday through Sunday.<br />
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Here is a full schedule of availability for our counselors
at Estes Therapy:</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Jennine: </b>Monday –
Thursday, 9am - 5pm<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Jennifer:</b> Monday – Sunday, 9am - 8pm<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Corinne:</b> Monday – Wednesday, 9am - 8pm</div>
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<b>Who We Help</b></h3>
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We aim to help a broad array of people here in San Diego!
Whether you are an individual who is experiencing anxiety or depression, or a
couple in need of strengthening your bond, we are here to help. We also accept
clients who need to speak to someone about specific topics like addiction and
LGBT issues. Regardless of your personal situation, our counselors will help
gain awareness of your emotions, decrease self-doubt, and improve your
communication.</div>
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<b>Finances</b></h3>
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We have more than one price point for counseling sessions at
Estes Therapy in San Diego, because we don’t want finances to come between you
and therapy. Your three options are as follows:</div>
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1. If you meet with Jennine, a licensed therapist, the cost
per 50 minute session is $150.<br />
2. If you meet with one of our interns, who hold a Master’s degree in Marriage
and Family Therapy and are currently completing clinical hours to become
licensed in California, the cost per 50 minute session is $100.<br />
3. If neither of these options is feasible, there are also a few low cost
counseling appointments available with the interns for only $80 per 50 minute
session. Please inquire about these sessions for more information!</div>
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<b>How to Schedule</b></h3>
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To schedule an appointment here at Estes Therapy, all you
have to do is visit our website at <a href="http://estestherapy.com/">estestherapy.com</a> and click on the
“Counseling” link at the top of the screen. Once you click the “Schedule Your
Next Appointment” button in the top right corner of the screen, you’ll be on
your way to booking your session! No phone tag, no waiting on hold – select
your therapist and the date and time of your session right on our site. Your
appointment will be on our calendar in just seconds!</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6128976453915572520.post-72339020430020275492012-03-19T15:51:00.003-07:002012-05-16T09:25:07.714-07:00Top 7 Myths (Misconceptions) About Counseling/Therapy<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-o5QNSh2tNp4/T2e6rvLaDnI/AAAAAAAAAR0/y4hKZHFbUyE/s1600/counseling_misconceptions_sd.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5721747112158957170" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-o5QNSh2tNp4/T2e6rvLaDnI/AAAAAAAAAR0/y4hKZHFbUyE/s320/counseling_misconceptions_sd.jpg" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 212px; margin: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 320px;" /></a>In my counseling office, I work with people from different walks of life. Each person has a unique step, story, and understanding of the world. My job as a counselor is to tune in to each specific client’s need and focus in on the goal at hand. One speed bump that I run into while I going down the journey with some clients, is that they tend to have a belief about how therapy is supposed to turn out. Some people are right on. They know it will be hard work and that counseling will take some time, but others have other expectations (or as I like to call them…misconceptions) about the counseling process. <br />
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Here are the Top 8 Misconceptions People Have About Counseling:<br />
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1. <span style="font-weight: bold;">One size fits all:</span> Unlike certain clothing items that are “one size fits all,” therapy is not! Picking the therapist that is right for you is very important. And no decision should be made in haste. One size does not fit all. With therapy you have to shop and research. Do you homework and interview them. You will know when it’s right after you have done your part. You need to know the therapist’s “school of thought” (or theory), your comfort level with the counselor, and approach. Learn more on <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/resources/advice-articles/how-to-find-a-counselor-in-san-diego">how to find a counselor</a><br />
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2. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Asking your therapist to lie for you:</span> Really…? Don’t ask the therapist to lie for you to simply prevent a fight between you and your partner. You are basically attempting to keep your relationship dynamic stuck and it can actually perpetuate the problem. Don’t try to get the counselor to lie that you tried to schedule the appointment earlier and it was the therapists fault to simply save a little heart ache and conflict. If you are afraid of fighting, then stop lying! <br />
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3. E<span style="font-weight: bold;">xpecting the Therapist to take a side:</span> Not gonna happen. No matter how much you feel like your side is right (which it most likely it is) my job as a therapist is not to take sides. Plain and simple. Plus, you probably have enough friends and family taking on that role. If I take sides, then I am simply jumping on board to a dynamic that isn’t working. Nothing will be accomplished and now you two have more amo to your fight… Such as, “The therapist agrees with me…” and now the relationship still stays stuck with no solution. <br />
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4. <span style="font-weight: bold;">The therapist will make everything better:</span> Nope! The therapist is in the room to help you understand the relationship on a deeper level, help you navigate through the struggles, and create a safe environment. It is YOUR responsibility to work at the relationship. The therapist will do everything in their power to help you as a couple or individual, but if you aren’t willing to do the work…you will be wasting your time (and money).<br />
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5. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Expect the Therapist to keep a Secret</span>: Secrets keep relationships apart and if it is a big secret, then to expect your therapist to keep in and try to work on your relationship when they know exactly what issue needs to change is unrealistic. If you are doing something that requires you to have it a “secret,” then open your eyes and take a peek at just that! <br />
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6. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Keeping significant items from the therapist:</span> If you don’t tell the therapist significant events, then the therapist doesn’t have the whole picture of the relationship. Don’t keep affairs, physical fights, or any important events kept hidden. The more the therapists knows, the better. On that same note, ask the counselor about their no-secrets policy. If you don’t want your partner to know something, don’t share it with your therapist. <br />
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7. <span style="font-weight: bold;">The Fights Slow down, So Client’s stop early:</span> Just because the fights have stopped for now or “things are getting better,” doesn’t mean to stop counseling. Many people stop prematurely and then things go back to the old way. Just because the fights have stopped, doesn’t mean you have a long-term change. If you think you hit the goals in the therapy, speak with your therapist and make sure all the work is done. <br />
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Counseling isn’t something to take lightly. Your life is more important than money, time or your ego. Don’t hold back and worry about the “what if’s.” Commit to it. Make this your start to a better you.<div class="blogger-post-footer">Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#47653) in San Diego, Ca. Visit her main website <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com" rel="nofollow">Estes Therapy</a> or her relationship column <a href="http://www.estestherapy.com/relationshiptips" rel="nofollow">Relationships In The Raw</a>.</div>Estes Therapyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04309197094304142238noreply@blogger.com