Quick Tips to Decrease Your Jealous Streak in your Relationship
Jealousy can be extremely healthy in a relationship …Yes, you read it right…Jealousy can be extremely healthy in a relationship. The emotion we call jealousy is one of the ways you react to, and show, how important your partner is, express your fear of losing the relationship, or convey the love you have for your partner. It is a natural way of your body confirming the emotional connection and make sure they are still there and haven’t left. These feelings in small doses can be healthy in the relationship.
As you probably know, jealousy can also become fatal to a relationship, destroying it. We’ve all heard of that “jealous ex” whose constant paranoia ruined the relationship. Jealousy can become a trap in relationships by creating an un-healthy downward spiral. When jealousy takes over, arguments arise, and the emotion triggers what you have been trying to avoid…someone ends up leaving.
Here are a few quick tips on decreasing your jealous streak and preventing a relationship disaster:
1. Take inventory: Usually jealousy comes for a reason, often because of a history of being cheated on. Or other times it goes further than that; there may be a history of feeling not wanted or abandoned. Living in a family where you don’t feel wanted or have felt abandoned can send the message that “in relationships, people leave.” Take a deep look and check out the inventory of your relationships you have had in life and see what comes up.
2. Take a look at your reactions: Once you have looked at your inventory, now take a look at how you react. Does your “Hot-woman-in-the-room Radar” go on when you are out with your man? Do you get clingy when your partner is simply hanging out with his buddies? Do you start the investigative questions when he is late? Jealousy comes with good intentions; to keep your partner from leaving. The problem here is that jealous reactions can actually push your partner further and further away.
3. Slow it down: If you step out of the situation and take a deep look at yourself, you probably see that your reactions aren’t appropriate. But in the moment, once emotion gets involved, reactions get triggered quickly and all those thoughts go away. Emotion is impulsive and quick. Your job is to slow it down. Go for a walk, go and write about your emotions, do whatever you have to do to calm your nerves. The slower you get your emotions, the quicker you can understand how to get your partner to pull closer to you, rather than push them away.
4. Get what you want: Now that you are watching your reactions, slowing them down, and taking an inventory, it is now time to get what you want. Ultimately those feelings come up for a reason, so your job is to now try a different way of expressing it to your partner BEFORE you let the jealous feelings take control. Don’t wait for a reason to talk about the jealousy. Bring the issue up in a way that will pull your partner in, not push them away. Tell your partner about your fears of them leaving and that is why you continue to pull at them. Open up the core emotion of fear; tell them you are simply afraid. Collaborate with your partner and ask them to help you figure out how to handle it.
If you are struggling with trust in your jealous streak, click here to learn more about building trust in your relationship.