Sexually or Emotionally: Two different languages of connecting (San Diego Therapy)

No matter how good the communication is in a relationship, it might not be all that makes the relationship function. One of the strongest and most valuable aspects in a relationship is the feeling securely attached to your partner. A secure attachment gives comfort, creates a sense of security, and provides closeness. There are two ways people feel connected and attached to their partner: sexual/physically or emotionally.

Let’s take a look at the emotionally and physically connecting partners:
Emotionally Connecting Partner: This partner often feels comforted and attached to their partner by connecting through lengthy conversations, small-talk throughout the day, sending text messages and IM’s, being involved in activities together, and spending time focused on one another. The acts of doing and talking together can create a sense of closeness and more secure of an attachment.


Physically Connecting Partner: This partner often feels comfort and attached to their partner by having hugs from their partner, small kisses throughout the day, frequent sexual connections, and time sitting next to one another while focused on other items. This type of attachment may have little to do with verbal communication…and more to do with physical interactions….and they possibly might even enjoy solitude once in a while to rejuvenate and be more available for their partner.

With two different attachment styles, it might feel as if your partner doesn’t care when they aren’t connecting in the way you like it. The emotionally connecting partner might pursue for the attention and to create an attachment; however, it might feel like smothering. Or the physically connecting partner might appear as if they don’t care about what their partner is saying and only wants to connect physically. Basically, both styles have great ways to connecting, yet it might send the wrong message.

Take a look at you and your partner’s connecting styles. Try to notice how your partner tries to connect with you in their style. Make an effort to connect with your partner in their connecting language. And don’t forget to express your needs lovingly to your partner and share how you would like to connect.

Another Article that might be helpful: Increasing Intimacy with your Partner